I've been thinking a lot lately. I've always been a thinker. Sometimes I get in my own head too much. Anyway, I've been thinking about my life, my job, being a mother and what I want from life going forward.
And all the while, I come up with a lot of 'what if's'. I hate that I think so much sometimes, but I just can't help it. These are the things that have been on my mind.
- What if I never have another child? Will one feel like enough? Will I feel incomplete? Will Xander grow up to be normal with no siblings?
- What if I don't have another baby and never have a daughter? How will I feel? Will I wander through the rest of my life looking at cute dresses and headbands and shoes and think 'I will never get to dress a little girl in this adorable stuff'?
- What if I get fired from my job? I don't think this is something that will really happen, but every once in a while I wonder and I hate this thought. What would I do?
- What if I can never get a really good, long term handle on my diabetes? Will I die young and leave my child without a mother? What will happen if I am in poor control?
- What if Todd loses his job? What would we do? What would he do? Would we survive?
- What if we never move back to Nebraska? Will I be happy here or someone else for the rest of my life? I can't imagine never living in Nebraska again. It's my home and I'm not sure I could stay away forever.
- What if I never really lose the weight I want to lose and stay this size the rest of my life? Can I be happy anyway? Will I always be depressed and feel bad about myself?
- What will I do without my parents and Todd without his parents? I know our parents are aging, but I don't want to think about them getting older or losing any of them. I don't know what we would do.
That's all. I just wanted to get those thoughts out of my head. I know everything will be ok and you can't live you life worrying about the bad things that could happen. We should live each day like it's our last and not worry about the next day. Planning is ok, but dreading is bad. I just need to keep telling myself that.
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Xander's (super late) 3 year pics
Here is just a sample of the pictures we had taken for Xander's late 3 year pictures. Actually, we didn't even have 2 year pictures taken of him because that is when we moved to Colorado and it kinda slipped through the cracks. Oops! Mom fail right there.
Anyway, the person who took them is my best friend's older sister. She hasn't been doing pictures that long but she is awesome! I can't wait to see the rest of them!
They were taken in downtown Lincoln, Nebraska in the Haymarket. I thought that would be an awesome place for some pictures and as you can see, they did turn out great!
Anyway, the person who took them is my best friend's older sister. She hasn't been doing pictures that long but she is awesome! I can't wait to see the rest of them!
They were taken in downtown Lincoln, Nebraska in the Haymarket. I thought that would be an awesome place for some pictures and as you can see, they did turn out great!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Random Tuesday Thoughts
- I don't do random Tuesday thoughts very often but actually got my post on the right day this time!
- I posted before that my boss quit a few weeks ago and life has been crazy ever since then. I work in a three person department and we are losing one temporarily so there will be a lot of extra work in the next few months. I have been working extra hours and taking work home with me almost everyday and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I am excited for the potential promotion that may come from this but also nervous about the major responsibility that comes with it also.
- We went to Ikea last night and I found the cutest bunk bed that I want to buy for my son! It is kind of expensive but it's super cute and I would love to get it for him. He is 33 months and at this point is still in his crib! The reason we haven't converted his crib to a bed is because he doesn't try to climb out of his crib yet and we know if we switch him to a bed before it's necessary, we will have mega bedtime struggles with getting him to stay in bed. I know we will still have those issues once we do switch him over but we are delaying that fight as long as we can.
- On the subject of my son, he is absolutely obsessed with trains these days! Thomas in particular but he likes almost any train. We bought him an inexpensive train and track set from Ikea last night. That was his first train set as he has some small trains, but no tracks or any other pieces. For his birthday/Christmas, we are going to get him some more train stuff since he will be 3 and I know he would love to have more. I am going to try to get him some cool stuff without spending a fortune. We will see how that goes.
- I always have good intentions of wanting to work out, eat super well and be healthier, but now that I have been so busy, it has been even harder than before. I want to work out so bad but feel like I literally have three hours or less a day in free time. I get up way earlier that before right now so there is no way I will do a workout in the morning. Most days I am not getting home before 6 and because I have been getting up so early, I am trying to go to bed by 9 or a little after most nights. That leaves three hours or less to have dinner, do any chores around the house that are needed, give my son a bath, get him dinner, get him ready for bed and spend time with him reading or playing. Oh and not to mention getting any work done that I bring home. I am really not trying to make excuses at this point but they are basically built in right now.
- I don't like to think too much about the money part of a promotion or a job because I don't want to get my sights fixed on it too much in case it doesn't work out. But if I stop and think about this promotion that I am going for and the raise that would come along with it, I can't help but think about it and how it would affect my family. A raise is always nice and in some ways, I already have plans for things we need to/want to do with extra money. Again, trying not to get ahead of myself but it's hard to not think about it even a little bit.
- Pictures! I can't even tell you how many thousands of pictures we have on our computer that I have never ordered. I literally haven't printed one picture from probably the last year or more. I always make excuses and never seem to find the time, but memories are important to me and I want to get some albums together soon if it kills me! The problem is, I have some vacation time I can use up, but we are going to use some of those days for a trip back to Nebraska this fall so I won't be at home where I could do anything with pictures if I wanted. The other days I have I want to save for the holidays to spend time with my son and do Christmas shopping, baking and other fun holiday things. No time for pictures once again. I guess I need to make it a priority on weekends to get it done.
- My diabetes management has been going much better now that it was a few months ago. I am being a lot more careful about my medicine and testing my blood sugar and am excited to see how my next doctor's appointment goes. I also am excited to get an insulin pump soon, but it will have to wait a little longer right now.
- Hoping this week goes well and I don't stress too much or get sick. I was sure I was getting sick last week due to the stress I am under at work but so far so good. I am excited for Labor day as it will be my first day off in a while and I will really need it by then with the way things have been going.
- I posted before that my boss quit a few weeks ago and life has been crazy ever since then. I work in a three person department and we are losing one temporarily so there will be a lot of extra work in the next few months. I have been working extra hours and taking work home with me almost everyday and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I am excited for the potential promotion that may come from this but also nervous about the major responsibility that comes with it also.
- We went to Ikea last night and I found the cutest bunk bed that I want to buy for my son! It is kind of expensive but it's super cute and I would love to get it for him. He is 33 months and at this point is still in his crib! The reason we haven't converted his crib to a bed is because he doesn't try to climb out of his crib yet and we know if we switch him to a bed before it's necessary, we will have mega bedtime struggles with getting him to stay in bed. I know we will still have those issues once we do switch him over but we are delaying that fight as long as we can.
- On the subject of my son, he is absolutely obsessed with trains these days! Thomas in particular but he likes almost any train. We bought him an inexpensive train and track set from Ikea last night. That was his first train set as he has some small trains, but no tracks or any other pieces. For his birthday/Christmas, we are going to get him some more train stuff since he will be 3 and I know he would love to have more. I am going to try to get him some cool stuff without spending a fortune. We will see how that goes.
- I always have good intentions of wanting to work out, eat super well and be healthier, but now that I have been so busy, it has been even harder than before. I want to work out so bad but feel like I literally have three hours or less a day in free time. I get up way earlier that before right now so there is no way I will do a workout in the morning. Most days I am not getting home before 6 and because I have been getting up so early, I am trying to go to bed by 9 or a little after most nights. That leaves three hours or less to have dinner, do any chores around the house that are needed, give my son a bath, get him dinner, get him ready for bed and spend time with him reading or playing. Oh and not to mention getting any work done that I bring home. I am really not trying to make excuses at this point but they are basically built in right now.
- I don't like to think too much about the money part of a promotion or a job because I don't want to get my sights fixed on it too much in case it doesn't work out. But if I stop and think about this promotion that I am going for and the raise that would come along with it, I can't help but think about it and how it would affect my family. A raise is always nice and in some ways, I already have plans for things we need to/want to do with extra money. Again, trying not to get ahead of myself but it's hard to not think about it even a little bit.
- Pictures! I can't even tell you how many thousands of pictures we have on our computer that I have never ordered. I literally haven't printed one picture from probably the last year or more. I always make excuses and never seem to find the time, but memories are important to me and I want to get some albums together soon if it kills me! The problem is, I have some vacation time I can use up, but we are going to use some of those days for a trip back to Nebraska this fall so I won't be at home where I could do anything with pictures if I wanted. The other days I have I want to save for the holidays to spend time with my son and do Christmas shopping, baking and other fun holiday things. No time for pictures once again. I guess I need to make it a priority on weekends to get it done.
- My diabetes management has been going much better now that it was a few months ago. I am being a lot more careful about my medicine and testing my blood sugar and am excited to see how my next doctor's appointment goes. I also am excited to get an insulin pump soon, but it will have to wait a little longer right now.
- Hoping this week goes well and I don't stress too much or get sick. I was sure I was getting sick last week due to the stress I am under at work but so far so good. I am excited for Labor day as it will be my first day off in a while and I will really need it by then with the way things have been going.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
The one where I talk about being a diabetic
First, let me being with a few randoms.
-I think it is funny how other bloggers in the blogosphere (or whatever you call it) all use a lot of similar wording or topics or whatever. My title of this post is to honor all the other great bloggers out there. This seems to be a super common title - "The one where.......". I think it is a pretty funny title, so I copied.
-My parents are coming to town this week for another visit - their third visit since we moved here! I love having family visit as it makes me feel not so far away from home and helps me miss it a little bit less.
-I have decided to either turn this blog into a blog about me being diabetic or to start a new blog. I have tried to start other blogs before but never kept up with them up cared about them much. But this is something I care about. It is a huge part of me and though it is not all I am about, I feel like if I focus on it a bit more, I will be able to understand myself better and manage my disease better. Sorry to the two readers who actually read my blog - hopefully this won't send you running for the hills!
-We are looking at new cars. I think I have mentioned this once before but we are getting more serious. I know what car I want and though it is nothing fancy, it should be very practical and versatile. We are looking at getting a Subaru Forrester. The funny thing is, we have a Subaru already and love it so much so we thought we might get another. But this time instead of a car, we want a small SUV since you can actually fit quite a bit more in it. Not that we buy big items a lot, but it sure is nice to have when you do buy something big or bulky. We had a Jeep before and it was great for this reason.
-On to being diabetic and some things that have been running through my head recently.
I have been a bad diabetic the last, oh 5 years, or basically since I was diagnosed. In some ways, I have never come to terms with the fact that this disease isn't going anywhere. I have had some good moments in the last 5 years of taking care of myself, but overall, I have done a super craptastic job. Let me tell you why. Because it SUCKS!!!!
I have type 1 diabetes and it bothers me so much when people say 'oh, can you just lose some weight and exercise more to treat it?' No!!!! I can't. I wish I could, but I have to take insulin the rest of my life no matter how skinny or fat I am (unless they cure it in my lifetime, which I am not counting on). I wish it was different and wish it wasn't me, but wishing it away won't do anything.
I recently realized that something has to change. So, this is a new me, starting about 2 weeks ago. I went to the doctor for the first time in a year. My A1C you ask? Oh, just 11.8 (most non-diabetic people are at 6.0 or below)! I knew it would be high, but I don't know if I was prepared to see how high it had gotten. That's pretty scary. Especially since I was able to have it down to 5.6 when I was pregnant with my son! I know it can be done, so why haven't I been doing it?
When I went back to the doctor, I told myself this is it. This is finally when I am going to take care of myself for the rest of my life. I am not saying I won't make mistakes or slip up or have a bad day, week or even month, but I won't let it get this bad again. I can't. Not if I want to see my sweet little boy grow up and grow old with my husband.
In my doctor's office posted on their wall is a sign that basically says they will let you fail as many times as you have to and they will always support you and help you. They basically give you permission to be human. To fail and fall and to get back up again and keep trying. That is what it is all about. Constantly working at it. It will never be easy but it is worth doing. I love how they have that posted. It makes me feel like I'm not being judged. They were super nice at that office too so I am looking forward to going back more often. I don't want to say I disliked my last doctor, but I feel like she didn't have much time for me.
My life will be changing for the better and it has already started. I have been testing my blood sugar more often and also, I started a new medication - Symlin. This has already helped my blood sugar control and I am still on the lowest dose and will probably move up in the dose which will help me even more. I am probably going to be getting an insulin pump which will also help. I am the most excited about that and will hopefully have one within a few months. The doctor wants me to work on being in better control first and then I should be able to get a pump.
I am ready for life to change, to be better. I have to make the choice. I have to choose to be healthy and happy and to take care of myself. I only have one life and one body and should not take it for granted.
This feels weird to say, but I feel like this is a major journey I am on and it feels new in some ways and old in others. I am just going to do my best and forget the rest (borrowed that one from Tony Horton). Wish me luck with my journey!
-I think it is funny how other bloggers in the blogosphere (or whatever you call it) all use a lot of similar wording or topics or whatever. My title of this post is to honor all the other great bloggers out there. This seems to be a super common title - "The one where.......". I think it is a pretty funny title, so I copied.
-My parents are coming to town this week for another visit - their third visit since we moved here! I love having family visit as it makes me feel not so far away from home and helps me miss it a little bit less.
-I have decided to either turn this blog into a blog about me being diabetic or to start a new blog. I have tried to start other blogs before but never kept up with them up cared about them much. But this is something I care about. It is a huge part of me and though it is not all I am about, I feel like if I focus on it a bit more, I will be able to understand myself better and manage my disease better. Sorry to the two readers who actually read my blog - hopefully this won't send you running for the hills!
-We are looking at new cars. I think I have mentioned this once before but we are getting more serious. I know what car I want and though it is nothing fancy, it should be very practical and versatile. We are looking at getting a Subaru Forrester. The funny thing is, we have a Subaru already and love it so much so we thought we might get another. But this time instead of a car, we want a small SUV since you can actually fit quite a bit more in it. Not that we buy big items a lot, but it sure is nice to have when you do buy something big or bulky. We had a Jeep before and it was great for this reason.
-On to being diabetic and some things that have been running through my head recently.
I have been a bad diabetic the last, oh 5 years, or basically since I was diagnosed. In some ways, I have never come to terms with the fact that this disease isn't going anywhere. I have had some good moments in the last 5 years of taking care of myself, but overall, I have done a super craptastic job. Let me tell you why. Because it SUCKS!!!!
I have type 1 diabetes and it bothers me so much when people say 'oh, can you just lose some weight and exercise more to treat it?' No!!!! I can't. I wish I could, but I have to take insulin the rest of my life no matter how skinny or fat I am (unless they cure it in my lifetime, which I am not counting on). I wish it was different and wish it wasn't me, but wishing it away won't do anything.
I recently realized that something has to change. So, this is a new me, starting about 2 weeks ago. I went to the doctor for the first time in a year. My A1C you ask? Oh, just 11.8 (most non-diabetic people are at 6.0 or below)! I knew it would be high, but I don't know if I was prepared to see how high it had gotten. That's pretty scary. Especially since I was able to have it down to 5.6 when I was pregnant with my son! I know it can be done, so why haven't I been doing it?
When I went back to the doctor, I told myself this is it. This is finally when I am going to take care of myself for the rest of my life. I am not saying I won't make mistakes or slip up or have a bad day, week or even month, but I won't let it get this bad again. I can't. Not if I want to see my sweet little boy grow up and grow old with my husband.
In my doctor's office posted on their wall is a sign that basically says they will let you fail as many times as you have to and they will always support you and help you. They basically give you permission to be human. To fail and fall and to get back up again and keep trying. That is what it is all about. Constantly working at it. It will never be easy but it is worth doing. I love how they have that posted. It makes me feel like I'm not being judged. They were super nice at that office too so I am looking forward to going back more often. I don't want to say I disliked my last doctor, but I feel like she didn't have much time for me.
My life will be changing for the better and it has already started. I have been testing my blood sugar more often and also, I started a new medication - Symlin. This has already helped my blood sugar control and I am still on the lowest dose and will probably move up in the dose which will help me even more. I am probably going to be getting an insulin pump which will also help. I am the most excited about that and will hopefully have one within a few months. The doctor wants me to work on being in better control first and then I should be able to get a pump.
I am ready for life to change, to be better. I have to make the choice. I have to choose to be healthy and happy and to take care of myself. I only have one life and one body and should not take it for granted.
This feels weird to say, but I feel like this is a major journey I am on and it feels new in some ways and old in others. I am just going to do my best and forget the rest (borrowed that one from Tony Horton). Wish me luck with my journey!
Friday, July 15, 2011
30 by 30...revisions and updates.
I started my '30 by 30' list back in either 2008 or early 2009. I will be honest and say I haven't done much on the list yet. So, my executive decision is to remove some of the goals and replace them with others because some of them are either not physically or financially possible.
Anyway, here is the original list and some of the updates to it. At the end of the list, I will note which ones I am removing and what I am adding and come up with my new list. I really would like to accomplish as many of these as possible by October 23, 2012, my 30th birthday!
The original text/goals are in BLACK. The previous updates to the goals are in BLUE and the most current updates are in RED.
Here goes:
1. Get a tattoo. Still want to do this one.
2. Lose 30 pounds - On my way. I am down about 10 or 11 pounds. I actually did this last year but have gained some back - time to get back to it! 7/11 update - still down about 20 overall from this goal, but would like to get to my goal weight, which is about 25-28 pounds down from where I am now. Need a plan.
3. Scrapbook my son's first year of life - Doing ok on this, need to catch up though. Still need to finish this! 7/11 - Ugh. Still not done! Have a plan for this one though. My kid is 2 1/2!
4. Go on a hiking trip. I think we will do this soon now that we live inColorado
5. Get family pictures taken - plan on doing this when Xander turns 1. Booo. I never did this but had scheduled this last fall and then we moved before our appointment. Soon. 7/11 - We haven't had a single professional family picture since our son was born, but this is a top priority for me, especially by Christmas this year.
6. Start playing piano again. Not yet, but want to buy a piano for our new house. 7/11 - Still haven't done this but we have no place for a piano in our new house, so I was thinking about getting a keyboard. We'll see.
7. Start swimming again. Still haven't started this, not sure if I will since we are in a contract with a gym that doesn't have a pool.
8. Do another scrapbook of some sort besides Xander's baby scrapbook - also working on this. I've started a few but need to finish these. I plan to once we move into our house. 7/11 - Still haven't done this, but am motivated to do start/finish.
9. Visit two states that I haven't been to yet. Haven't done this yet, but we want to go to Vegas this fall so that would be one state we haven't been to. We also want to visit New Mexico or Arizona in the next year.
10. Be able to run 3 miles without stopping. I got close back in 2009 but gotten back into running for a while. 7/11 - Haven't attempted this again. Thinking about dropping this goal.
11. Read at least 25 of these novels. I realized this link doesn't even exist anymore, so will try to find the list, but I think I have read one or two of these so far.
12. Have my A1C level below 6.5 for 1 straight year. Haven't done this to date, but am on my way. Working on taking better care of myself. I think I will up the goal to 7.0 or lower since that is more realistic.
13. Have our second child if we decide to have another. Probably not going to happen before 30 but who knows! 7/11 - Won't happen before I am 30 unless it is a 'surprise' more than likely, if at all.
14. Have at least one car that is paid off. Hmmm, sad to say, but this won't happen either.
15. Travel overseas, preferably to France/Spain. Also won't happen unless something dramatic happens with our finances. That's ok though. This can be a longer term goal.
16. Have made at least one cake with fondant and be able to say it turned out well. I'm going to scrap this one from the list since I just don't care about it that much.
17. Win a photo hunt contest like this one. Just one picture needs to win for me to be happy! No winning here, but had a picture or two chosen of mine that were in the top 5. Not sure if I will continue with these but I do like to take pictures and want to get better at it.
18. Sew at least one article of clothing from scratch. Also scrapping this one since I don't have the time and just don't care that much to do this.
19. Have hair longer than my shoulder for once in the last 10 years! Yay!! I did this one - and recently chopped it all off! Growing my hair out again now so unless I chop it off again, it should be longer again soon.haven't
20. Go to a pro football game. Planning on it this fall now that we live in a city with a pro team.
21. Go to a pro basketball game. Also planning on this since we live in a city with a pro team.
22. Go to a pro hockey game. See response to last two. Also planning on it.23. Run a half marathon. Thinking of scrapping this one. Not sure this is realistic with my work schedule.
24. Pass my series 53 test. Woohoo! Done as of February 2011. Maybe my next goal is to get my 4 or 3/31.
25. Go back to college (as to when I finish, that is up in the air). No progress here.
26. Get invisalign (have wanted this for years). No progress either, but there have been more serious talks about this, so a good possibility.
27. Hike a 14er (not to be confused with my general goal of going on a hiking trip). We have talked about this recently and want to work on getting in better shape so we can hike one this year still.
28. Go toLas Vegas
29. Have my home fully decorated (so I don't feel like there are any rooms unfinished). Well, since we moved into a new house since I started this list, it might be harder since decorating costs money, but we already have a couple of rooms done. I would like to stick with this goal though.
30. Crochet something that looks good. Again, don't care that much about this one so will scrap it.
So there you have it. I am going to list the goals that I am getting rid of and any I am modifying as well as adding new goals and then I will make the new list again at the bottom.
Modifying #12. I don't think being under 6.5 for my A1C is all that realistic for me, especially since I am so high right now. I think 7 is a more realistic goal.
The goals I am scrapping are #'s 7,13,14,15,16,17,18,23 and 30. I am going to make some new goals and number them with the above numbers for the goals I removed.
New #7 - Take photography 'lessons' online. To me this means doing a ton of research and watching videos to get much better at taking pictures and also editing them.
New #13 - Organize my office and get a new desk/hutch. Our office is a mess and I want to get it organized once and for all and have filing cabinets and to have a place for everything. We also have a glass top desk and that is just not working anymore. Time for a wooden desk.
New #14 - Get through a full round of P90X. I did pretty well with this last year but want to start doing it again. I feel awesome when I do these workouts and want to make it through one full round, even if I don't follow the nutrition to a T.
New #15 - Get an insulin pump. I am on my way to doing this. I have awesome insurance that pays for most of it and my doctor wants me working on taking better care of myself first and after a few months, if I am doing well, he will recommend I get one. I have to admit I am nervous about getting one and using it, but I know once I get going I won't want to go back.
New #16 - Try out a digital scrapbook. You upload your pictures online and choose pre-made backgrounds and then add you pictures to the pages, place your order and the company prints the pages for you and you assemble the book when they are shipped to you. I think this would be an easier, guilt free way for me to document some pictures and some of our life.
New #17 - Create a slide show of pictures for Xander's third birthday. I know we probably won't have anyone come out here for Xander's third birthday but I still want to document the first three years of his life in a nice way and save it on our computer so we can look at it from time to time. I am sure I will post it on here as well.
New #18 - Do one other fun activity that I haven't done before or in quite a while. I haven't determined what it will be yet, but something like riding horses or white water rafting, riding a gondola or going skiing or tubing at a ski resort. Something fun with good memories.
New #23 - Go on a roller coaster again. I don't think I have been on one since high school and I love them! Now we live in a city with a major theme park so this shouldn't be too hard.
New #30 - Visit a winery here in Colorado. This will be harder now that we have a child, but we had so much fun in Napa that I am sure we would love doing this!
So here is the new list, all put together. It will be marked in blue if it is completely done. If it is in progress, partially done or not done at all, it will be normal text.
1. Get a tattoo.
2. Lose 30 pounds.
3. Scrapbook my son's first year of life.
4. Go on a hiking trip.
5. Get family pictures taken.
6. Start playing piano again.
7. Take photography 'lessons' online. To me this means doing a ton of research and watching videos to get much better at taking pictures and also editing them.
8. Do another scrapbook of some sort besides Xander's baby scrapbook.
9. Visit two states that I haven't been to yet.
10. Be able to run 3 miles without stopping.
11. Read at least 25 classic novels.
12. Have my A1C level below 7.0 for 1 straight year.
13. Organize my office and get a new desk/hutch.
14. Get through a full round of P90X.
15. Get an insulin pump.
16. Try out a digital scrapbook.
17. Create a slide show of pictures for Xander's third birthday.
18. Do one other fun activity that I haven't done before or in quite a while. I haven't determined what it will be yet, but something like riding horses or white water rafting, riding a gondola or going skiing or tubing at a ski resort. Something fun with good memories.
19. Have hair longer than my shoulder for once in the last 10 years!
20. Go to a pro football game.
21. Go to a pro basketball game.
22. Go to a pro hockey game.
23. Go on a roller coaster again.
24. Pass my series 4 test.
25. Go back to college (as to when I finish, that is up in the air).
26. Get invisalign.
27. Hike a 14er (not to be confused with my general goal of going on a hiking trip).
28. Go toLas Vegas
29. Have my home fully decorated (so I don't feel like there are any rooms unfinished).
30. Visit a winery here inColorado
Anyway, here is the original list and some of the updates to it. At the end of the list, I will note which ones I am removing and what I am adding and come up with my new list. I really would like to accomplish as many of these as possible by October 23, 2012, my 30th birthday!
The original text/goals are in BLACK. The previous updates to the goals are in BLUE and the most current updates are in RED.
Here goes:
1. Get a tattoo. Still want to do this one.
2. Lose 30 pounds - On my way. I am down about 10 or 11 pounds. I actually did this last year but have gained some back - time to get back to it! 7/11 update - still down about 20 overall from this goal, but would like to get to my goal weight, which is about 25-28 pounds down from where I am now. Need a plan.
3. Scrapbook my son's first year of life - Doing ok on this, need to catch up though. Still need to finish this! 7/11 - Ugh. Still not done! Have a plan for this one though. My kid is 2 1/2!
4. Go on a hiking trip. I think we will do this soon now that we live in
5. Get family pictures taken - plan on doing this when Xander turns 1. Booo. I never did this but had scheduled this last fall and then we moved before our appointment. Soon. 7/11 - We haven't had a single professional family picture since our son was born, but this is a top priority for me, especially by Christmas this year.
6. Start playing piano again. Not yet, but want to buy a piano for our new house. 7/11 - Still haven't done this but we have no place for a piano in our new house, so I was thinking about getting a keyboard. We'll see.
7. Start swimming again. Still haven't started this, not sure if I will since we are in a contract with a gym that doesn't have a pool.
8. Do another scrapbook of some sort besides Xander's baby scrapbook - also working on this. I've started a few but need to finish these. I plan to once we move into our house. 7/11 - Still haven't done this, but am motivated to do start/finish.
9. Visit two states that I haven't been to yet. Haven't done this yet, but we want to go to Vegas this fall so that would be one state we haven't been to. We also want to visit New Mexico or Arizona in the next year.
10. Be able to run 3 miles without stopping. I got close back in 2009 but gotten back into running for a while. 7/11 - Haven't attempted this again. Thinking about dropping this goal.
11. Read at least 25 of these novels. I realized this link doesn't even exist anymore, so will try to find the list, but I think I have read one or two of these so far.
12. Have my A1C level below 6.5 for 1 straight year. Haven't done this to date, but am on my way. Working on taking better care of myself. I think I will up the goal to 7.0 or lower since that is more realistic.
13. Have our second child if we decide to have another. Probably not going to happen before 30 but who knows! 7/11 - Won't happen before I am 30 unless it is a 'surprise' more than likely, if at all.
14. Have at least one car that is paid off. Hmmm, sad to say, but this won't happen either.
15. Travel overseas, preferably to France/Spain. Also won't happen unless something dramatic happens with our finances. That's ok though. This can be a longer term goal.
16. Have made at least one cake with fondant and be able to say it turned out well. I'm going to scrap this one from the list since I just don't care about it that much.
17. Win a photo hunt contest like this one. Just one picture needs to win for me to be happy! No winning here, but had a picture or two chosen of mine that were in the top 5. Not sure if I will continue with these but I do like to take pictures and want to get better at it.
18. Sew at least one article of clothing from scratch. Also scrapping this one since I don't have the time and just don't care that much to do this.
19. Have hair longer than my shoulder for once in the last 10 years! Yay!! I did this one - and recently chopped it all off! Growing my hair out again now so unless I chop it off again, it should be longer again soon.haven't
20. Go to a pro football game. Planning on it this fall now that we live in a city with a pro team.
21. Go to a pro basketball game. Also planning on this since we live in a city with a pro team.
22. Go to a pro hockey game. See response to last two. Also planning on it.23. Run a half marathon. Thinking of scrapping this one. Not sure this is realistic with my work schedule.
24. Pass my series 53 test. Woohoo! Done as of February 2011. Maybe my next goal is to get my 4 or 3/31.
25. Go back to college (as to when I finish, that is up in the air). No progress here.
26. Get invisalign (have wanted this for years). No progress either, but there have been more serious talks about this, so a good possibility.
27. Hike a 14er (not to be confused with my general goal of going on a hiking trip). We have talked about this recently and want to work on getting in better shape so we can hike one this year still.
28. Go to
29. Have my home fully decorated (so I don't feel like there are any rooms unfinished). Well, since we moved into a new house since I started this list, it might be harder since decorating costs money, but we already have a couple of rooms done. I would like to stick with this goal though.
30. Crochet something that looks good. Again, don't care that much about this one so will scrap it.
So there you have it. I am going to list the goals that I am getting rid of and any I am modifying as well as adding new goals and then I will make the new list again at the bottom.
Modifying #12. I don't think being under 6.5 for my A1C is all that realistic for me, especially since I am so high right now. I think 7 is a more realistic goal.
The goals I am scrapping are #'s 7,13,14,15,16,17,18,23 and 30. I am going to make some new goals and number them with the above numbers for the goals I removed.
New #7 - Take photography 'lessons' online. To me this means doing a ton of research and watching videos to get much better at taking pictures and also editing them.
New #13 - Organize my office and get a new desk/hutch. Our office is a mess and I want to get it organized once and for all and have filing cabinets and to have a place for everything. We also have a glass top desk and that is just not working anymore. Time for a wooden desk.
New #14 - Get through a full round of P90X. I did pretty well with this last year but want to start doing it again. I feel awesome when I do these workouts and want to make it through one full round, even if I don't follow the nutrition to a T.
New #15 - Get an insulin pump. I am on my way to doing this. I have awesome insurance that pays for most of it and my doctor wants me working on taking better care of myself first and after a few months, if I am doing well, he will recommend I get one. I have to admit I am nervous about getting one and using it, but I know once I get going I won't want to go back.
New #16 - Try out a digital scrapbook. You upload your pictures online and choose pre-made backgrounds and then add you pictures to the pages, place your order and the company prints the pages for you and you assemble the book when they are shipped to you. I think this would be an easier, guilt free way for me to document some pictures and some of our life.
New #17 - Create a slide show of pictures for Xander's third birthday. I know we probably won't have anyone come out here for Xander's third birthday but I still want to document the first three years of his life in a nice way and save it on our computer so we can look at it from time to time. I am sure I will post it on here as well.
New #18 - Do one other fun activity that I haven't done before or in quite a while. I haven't determined what it will be yet, but something like riding horses or white water rafting, riding a gondola or going skiing or tubing at a ski resort. Something fun with good memories.
New #23 - Go on a roller coaster again. I don't think I have been on one since high school and I love them! Now we live in a city with a major theme park so this shouldn't be too hard.
New #30 - Visit a winery here in Colorado. This will be harder now that we have a child, but we had so much fun in Napa that I am sure we would love doing this!
So here is the new list, all put together. It will be marked in blue if it is completely done. If it is in progress, partially done or not done at all, it will be normal text.
1. Get a tattoo.
2. Lose 30 pounds.
3. Scrapbook my son's first year of life.
4. Go on a hiking trip.
5. Get family pictures taken.
6. Start playing piano again.
7. Take photography 'lessons' online. To me this means doing a ton of research and watching videos to get much better at taking pictures and also editing them.
8. Do another scrapbook of some sort besides Xander's baby scrapbook.
9. Visit two states that I haven't been to yet.
10. Be able to run 3 miles without stopping.
11. Read at least 25 classic novels.
12. Have my A1C level below 7.0 for 1 straight year.
13. Organize my office and get a new desk/hutch.
14. Get through a full round of P90X.
15. Get an insulin pump.
16. Try out a digital scrapbook.
17. Create a slide show of pictures for Xander's third birthday.
18. Do one other fun activity that I haven't done before or in quite a while. I haven't determined what it will be yet, but something like riding horses or white water rafting, riding a gondola or going skiing or tubing at a ski resort. Something fun with good memories.
19. Have hair longer than my shoulder for once in the last 10 years!
20. Go to a pro football game.
21. Go to a pro basketball game.
22. Go to a pro hockey game.
23. Go on a roller coaster again.
24. Pass my series 4 test.
25. Go back to college (as to when I finish, that is up in the air).
26. Get invisalign.
27. Hike a 14er (not to be confused with my general goal of going on a hiking trip).
28. Go to
29. Have my home fully decorated (so I don't feel like there are any rooms unfinished).
30. Visit a winery here in
Friday, July 8, 2011
Why can't I do what I want to do?
The short answer is probably because I have no idea what I want to do!
This applies to several areas in my life. My job, my exercise routine, my hobbies. I know, right? Who doesn't know what hobbies they like/want to have? Me. Well that's not entirely true. It's because I love to do several different things but either don't have the time, money or energy to do them as much as I would like.
I love taking pictures but don't have a lot of time to work on photo shop or different techniques. I don't have the money for better equipment either, though the camera we have is not too shabby.
I love to scrapbook but am not that good at it yet and don't have much time for it either. Plus it can get expensive.
I used to like to exercise but again, feel like I have no time and also feel like I lack the energy most of the time.
Also, I used to play the piano. But we don't own one, don't really have room for one and also don't really have the money to buy a nice one.
Then there's my job.
I do really like my job but cannot see having an hour and ten minute commute each way, every day for the rest of my life or at least even a few more years. I really want something closer to home or if it can't be closer to home, something that pays more. Haha. Not trying to sound greedy but I guess I feel like if I was paid more, I could excuse the fact that I have so little time at home every weekday a little bit.
I don't know what I want. I've considered going back to school and getting a degree for what I do now, or for teaching, or for something in the medical field, or to be a lawyer. I feel like I am 18 and have no idea what to do with my life or what I want to be 'when I grow up'. Problem is, I am 28, nearly 29 and still don't know. I feel a little pathetic but also realize I have a lot of years left or working, so even if I wanted to switch careers now, if it is only 4 years until I have a degree or even 5, I still would have a lot of good years left of working and earning potential.
Why are these decisions so hard? I think I keep putting off a decision because I am a little paralyzed with fear. I think I am afraid that if I get a degree, I will be locked into one thing and what if I end up hating it? I will have wasted all of that money on nothing! I also want to get a job where I feel like the college degree was worth it monetarily. I don't want to spend $60,000 on college for a $30,000/year job because I make more than that now. Not trying to sound snotty, but at least to me that wouldn't be worth it.
I also considered quitting my job to become a classroom aid (para) at a school and make hardly anything for the chance to have summers off every year and spend a lot more time with my son. I would also have some time off at Christmas and various other holidays throughout the year. I wouldn't make a lot but it would be awesome to have that much time off. I thought about doing that and working on a teaching degree at the same time so I could eventually be a teacher and still have the same hours but at least make a little more.
I have never had a serious conversation with Todd about this but need to because what I do affects him too. If I decide to go back to school, that's great, but that will likely require student loans and more debt obligations. If I downgrade the job, we will have less income. We need to make a decision as to what will be the best thing for us in the long run. I have to remember to look at this long term and not short term. Even though a lot of things would change in the short term, the long term outcome of such decisions could be very different depending on what I choose.
So, I suppose it is time to finally choose. I can choose to go back to school. I can choose to stay where I am and try to keep working my way up (which has worked well for me so far, but I'm afraid a cap on my success is coming soon without a degree) or I can go for the para job and do nothing else, or go back to school at the same time. I can choose to change career fields not including teaching. I just don't know.
Ok, that was a lot of ranting for nothing really. It didn't help me make a choice, just helped me feel better about not having made one yet by letting it all out.
I think if I don't make a decision by the end of this year, I will give myself a deadline of very early next year.
That's all. Thanks for reading. :)
This applies to several areas in my life. My job, my exercise routine, my hobbies. I know, right? Who doesn't know what hobbies they like/want to have? Me. Well that's not entirely true. It's because I love to do several different things but either don't have the time, money or energy to do them as much as I would like.
I love taking pictures but don't have a lot of time to work on photo shop or different techniques. I don't have the money for better equipment either, though the camera we have is not too shabby.
I love to scrapbook but am not that good at it yet and don't have much time for it either. Plus it can get expensive.
I used to like to exercise but again, feel like I have no time and also feel like I lack the energy most of the time.
Also, I used to play the piano. But we don't own one, don't really have room for one and also don't really have the money to buy a nice one.
Then there's my job.
I do really like my job but cannot see having an hour and ten minute commute each way, every day for the rest of my life or at least even a few more years. I really want something closer to home or if it can't be closer to home, something that pays more. Haha. Not trying to sound greedy but I guess I feel like if I was paid more, I could excuse the fact that I have so little time at home every weekday a little bit.
I don't know what I want. I've considered going back to school and getting a degree for what I do now, or for teaching, or for something in the medical field, or to be a lawyer. I feel like I am 18 and have no idea what to do with my life or what I want to be 'when I grow up'. Problem is, I am 28, nearly 29 and still don't know. I feel a little pathetic but also realize I have a lot of years left or working, so even if I wanted to switch careers now, if it is only 4 years until I have a degree or even 5, I still would have a lot of good years left of working and earning potential.
Why are these decisions so hard? I think I keep putting off a decision because I am a little paralyzed with fear. I think I am afraid that if I get a degree, I will be locked into one thing and what if I end up hating it? I will have wasted all of that money on nothing! I also want to get a job where I feel like the college degree was worth it monetarily. I don't want to spend $60,000 on college for a $30,000/year job because I make more than that now. Not trying to sound snotty, but at least to me that wouldn't be worth it.
I also considered quitting my job to become a classroom aid (para) at a school and make hardly anything for the chance to have summers off every year and spend a lot more time with my son. I would also have some time off at Christmas and various other holidays throughout the year. I wouldn't make a lot but it would be awesome to have that much time off. I thought about doing that and working on a teaching degree at the same time so I could eventually be a teacher and still have the same hours but at least make a little more.
I have never had a serious conversation with Todd about this but need to because what I do affects him too. If I decide to go back to school, that's great, but that will likely require student loans and more debt obligations. If I downgrade the job, we will have less income. We need to make a decision as to what will be the best thing for us in the long run. I have to remember to look at this long term and not short term. Even though a lot of things would change in the short term, the long term outcome of such decisions could be very different depending on what I choose.
So, I suppose it is time to finally choose. I can choose to go back to school. I can choose to stay where I am and try to keep working my way up (which has worked well for me so far, but I'm afraid a cap on my success is coming soon without a degree) or I can go for the para job and do nothing else, or go back to school at the same time. I can choose to change career fields not including teaching. I just don't know.
Ok, that was a lot of ranting for nothing really. It didn't help me make a choice, just helped me feel better about not having made one yet by letting it all out.
I think if I don't make a decision by the end of this year, I will give myself a deadline of very early next year.
That's all. Thanks for reading. :)
Friday, June 24, 2011
A little road trip
So me, the hubs and the kiddo are headed to Nebraska this weekend for two things. To see my best friends new baby and to visit with family.
It is going to be a short one. Drive out this afternoon, get in about midnight, spend tomorrow with family/my friend and then drive back Sunday.
It will be a super short trip, but is still one I'm really looking forward to! I love seeing tiny babies and can't wait to meet this one! Also, we moved here to Colorado just over 6 months ago and I haven't seen any of my siblings since January. I miss them!
Should be fun and tiring. Can't wait!
It is going to be a short one. Drive out this afternoon, get in about midnight, spend tomorrow with family/my friend and then drive back Sunday.
It will be a super short trip, but is still one I'm really looking forward to! I love seeing tiny babies and can't wait to meet this one! Also, we moved here to Colorado just over 6 months ago and I haven't seen any of my siblings since January. I miss them!
Should be fun and tiring. Can't wait!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Slow down!
I can't believe it is Wednesday already! Where does the last few days go? I want time to slow down a bit. I feel like life is just passing before me and I am just a spectator! I want to enjoy the days and my time more.
I have talked to Todd about how memories, much more than things, make me happy. That is why I would rather invest money in activities and things that we can do to make memories instead of material things. Not saying I won't ever buys some new shoes or clothes, but I think I put a higher value on activities and memories than I do 'stuff '.
Speaking of, I have a whole lot planned for the summer and I hope we get to do even half of what I want to do! We both work full time so it is hard to do a lot of the things I want but we have to take advantage of our weekends and get out more this summer.
I think it will be a great summer and I better start working on our activity list and get to planning!
I have talked to Todd about how memories, much more than things, make me happy. That is why I would rather invest money in activities and things that we can do to make memories instead of material things. Not saying I won't ever buys some new shoes or clothes, but I think I put a higher value on activities and memories than I do 'stuff '.
Speaking of, I have a whole lot planned for the summer and I hope we get to do even half of what I want to do! We both work full time so it is hard to do a lot of the things I want but we have to take advantage of our weekends and get out more this summer.
I think it will be a great summer and I better start working on our activity list and get to planning!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Bad things come in........fives????
Well to say we are having a streak of bad luck/stressful events is an understatement. I won't complain and say how terrible my life is but we are just trying to deal with each of them the best we can and it is causing a lot of stress in our lives right now.
1. Call from our bank this morning saying that our debit/credit card number was stolen and someone tried to spend over $1000 in tickets (not even sure what kind - concert? sport? your guess is as good as mine). Luckily they declined it but we have to cancel our card and have a new one sent. SOOOOO thankful no money is missing from our account. We are not rich and that would hurt us big time.
2. We got a random bill in the mail saying we owe over $1000 on our old house from our recent relocation to Denver even though two different people verified that we paid the correct amount to close on our last house. I don't believe we owe this and will have to fight it and that stresses me out.
3. Our daycare provider was sick yesterday so I had to take an unexpected PTO day since Todd couldn't miss work. It sucks because I like to save my days for when I actually want to take them, not when I am forced to.
4. Related to the last one, Todd has a corporate visit today that he has felt sick about since late last week. He was so nervous about it as he didn't know what to expect because this is his first one since moving here. Hopefully by the end of the day, he will feel like a new person.
5. I got some bad news from a family member that I won't go into. It's just sad and made me sad and has made me think about my life and how I need to appreciate things more.
Anyway, I know just because a few bad things have happened that life is not terrible overall. One other side note is my commute to my job is killing me. I feel like I am exhausted everyday and I literally feel more tired today than I did last week and more tired last week than I did the week before. I feel like it is sucking the life out of me and I feel like I might need to do something about it soon but I'm just not sure what yet. That's all. Hope everyone else has a good day!
1. Call from our bank this morning saying that our debit/credit card number was stolen and someone tried to spend over $1000 in tickets (not even sure what kind - concert? sport? your guess is as good as mine). Luckily they declined it but we have to cancel our card and have a new one sent. SOOOOO thankful no money is missing from our account. We are not rich and that would hurt us big time.
2. We got a random bill in the mail saying we owe over $1000 on our old house from our recent relocation to Denver even though two different people verified that we paid the correct amount to close on our last house. I don't believe we owe this and will have to fight it and that stresses me out.
3. Our daycare provider was sick yesterday so I had to take an unexpected PTO day since Todd couldn't miss work. It sucks because I like to save my days for when I actually want to take them, not when I am forced to.
4. Related to the last one, Todd has a corporate visit today that he has felt sick about since late last week. He was so nervous about it as he didn't know what to expect because this is his first one since moving here. Hopefully by the end of the day, he will feel like a new person.
5. I got some bad news from a family member that I won't go into. It's just sad and made me sad and has made me think about my life and how I need to appreciate things more.
Anyway, I know just because a few bad things have happened that life is not terrible overall. One other side note is my commute to my job is killing me. I feel like I am exhausted everyday and I literally feel more tired today than I did last week and more tired last week than I did the week before. I feel like it is sucking the life out of me and I feel like I might need to do something about it soon but I'm just not sure what yet. That's all. Hope everyone else has a good day!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
A productive Saturday?? (and some Easter pics)
Though it is only 11 am, I haven't gotten anything done today. But, I fully plan on getting a lot done still!
As mentioned in my post yesterday, I have a long to do list and I am going to get to work on it soon! I feel pretty energetic today which is half the battle so I will get going soon. Cleaning and organizing are the main things I want to do. Though cleaning is an ongoing thing (especially with a 2 year old), the organizing stuff stays organized after you do it so that stuff can be checked off the list when I am done.
Here are some pictures from our Easter last weekend where we had a bunch of Todd's side of the family over. It was a great day and a great weekend!
Xander at the table while we colored eggs.
Watching us color the eggs.
Pretty eggs!
Holding the pretty eggs!
After he got his Easter basket, bringing it downstairs to dig in!
So happy!
Pulling stuff out of his basket.
He found his chocolate bunny!
Pulling out his new crayons.
Picture with Grandma and Grandpa.
Family picture.
Eating his Easter candy in his booster chair sitting on the floor.
Checking under the hood while Olivia looks on.
Starting the Easter egg hunt.
Ari helping him get an egg high up.
On a mission to find more eggs!
The whole gang during the egg hunt.
'Look at what I got mom!'
Everybody digging into the candy.
Wagon ride with cousins pulling Olivia and Xander around!
Some more egg coloring with daddy.
A better picture with Grandma and Grandpa.
Another family picture.
Riding in the truck bed with Olivia.
Some cousin lovin! So cute!
Beautiful purple tulips for Easter!
As mentioned in my post yesterday, I have a long to do list and I am going to get to work on it soon! I feel pretty energetic today which is half the battle so I will get going soon. Cleaning and organizing are the main things I want to do. Though cleaning is an ongoing thing (especially with a 2 year old), the organizing stuff stays organized after you do it so that stuff can be checked off the list when I am done.
Here are some pictures from our Easter last weekend where we had a bunch of Todd's side of the family over. It was a great day and a great weekend!
Xander at the table while we colored eggs.
Watching us color the eggs.
Pretty eggs!
Holding the pretty eggs!
After he got his Easter basket, bringing it downstairs to dig in!
So happy!
Pulling stuff out of his basket.
He found his chocolate bunny!
Pulling out his new crayons.
Picture with Grandma and Grandpa.
Family picture.
Eating his Easter candy in his booster chair sitting on the floor.
Checking under the hood while Olivia looks on.
Starting the Easter egg hunt.
Ari helping him get an egg high up.
On a mission to find more eggs!
The whole gang during the egg hunt.
'Look at what I got mom!'
Everybody digging into the candy.
Wagon ride with cousins pulling Olivia and Xander around!
Some more egg coloring with daddy.
A better picture with Grandma and Grandpa.
Another family picture.
Riding in the truck bed with Olivia.
Some cousin lovin! So cute!
Beautiful purple tulips for Easter!
Monday, April 25, 2011
It's official....
-I will be running the 5k with my work people in June. Even if I have to walk part of it. I will finish.
-I will lose 25 pounds in the next 6 months.
-I am giving myself more time to decide if I want another child.
-I will not battle with my weight the rest of my life. I will get healthy and stay healthy and not yo-yo.
-I will commit to serious frugality and do away with wasteful spending from now on.
Sounds like new years resolutions a bit, huh? Well, it's not meant to. I just decided I have had enough of certain things (mostly being overweight and unhealthy).
That's it. I have decided on those things and I am sticking to it.
The first step for at least one of them is......
I joined My Fitness Pal today. Time to get serious!
-I will lose 25 pounds in the next 6 months.
-I am giving myself more time to decide if I want another child.
-I will not battle with my weight the rest of my life. I will get healthy and stay healthy and not yo-yo.
-I will commit to serious frugality and do away with wasteful spending from now on.
Sounds like new years resolutions a bit, huh? Well, it's not meant to. I just decided I have had enough of certain things (mostly being overweight and unhealthy).
That's it. I have decided on those things and I am sticking to it.
The first step for at least one of them is......
I joined My Fitness Pal today. Time to get serious!
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Easter Weekend
I have lots to do to get the house ready for company tomorrow but I am really excited!
We are going to dye eggs today with Xander and get some decorations out. It should be fun!
I will take lots of pictures and probably post them tomorrow night or Monday.
Hope everyone has a great Easter weekend!
We are going to dye eggs today with Xander and get some decorations out. It should be fun!
I will take lots of pictures and probably post them tomorrow night or Monday.
Hope everyone has a great Easter weekend!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Why is being an adult so difficult?
I know that is a silly, rhetorical question, but it just sucks to be an adult sometimes.
Making tough choices is part of being an adult but it sure sucks at times. Sometimes I wish someone would make decisions for me and that I wouldn't have to deal with any problems or issues ever. Sometimes I want to hide under a rock and hope it all goes away (although saying this makes it sound like I have all sorts of problems, but I really don't and am pretty blessed. I am more referring to the once in a while a bigger issue comes along). I know this is unrealistic and not very mature of me to feel this way.
I have told people in the past that I feel like I will be 21 forever (and there even happens to be a store named 'forever 21' - isn't that cute?). I don't feel like that in respect to feeling young like I want to party all the time and not have a job or responsibilities, but more like I feel that way as far as every part of being an adult is new to me and it always will be. I have been an adult for a while now and I got married when I was about 22. But the fact that I get to (or have to) decide what to do with my life and where to go and what to buy is hard for me. I still struggle with it. Heck, I may struggle with it my whole life! I told this lady I work with that it is weird that I get to decide on most things in my life. I don't know if I had an issue with this growing up where I always wanted to be in control and wasn't. I don't know. It's almost like too much freedom is bad for me and too many choices paralyze me! Sounds weird I know.
A couple of recent things that have come up that make me feel this way.....
-School. I can't decide if I want to go back to school or not. I want a degree but this is a tough time in my life to try to do it with a small child and the possibility of having another one in the next few years. Also, someone recently said to me 'you make as much money or more than a lot of people with degrees, so why bother?' I agree with this to a point but I feel like if I am going to go much farther in life and my career that I will need a degree at some point. Plus I am 28. That gives me enough time to get a degree and still have plenty of time to work my way up in my career and potentially be able to make a lot more if I do get a degree. My fear is that if I wait too much longer to start, a lot of my years of having high earning potential will be behind me. I just don't know. Add into this that I would have at least half of my school paid for by tuition reimbursement from my company if I stay. That is hard to pass up with how pricey school is these days!
-Dog. I don't want to go into it too much, but we were bad people recently and got rid of our dog. It was to a private party - a lady and her boyfriend. I got an email from her today saying she now can't keep the dog. Are you freaking kidding me? What am I supposed to do now? I don't want the dog back and I don't know what to tell her. I kinda want to say 'that's your problem now and not mine' but I would like to think of something nicer and better to say, but I don't know what it would be. I don't want to take the dog back and try to find another family for her. Too hard on us and her I think. I feel like the new owner should do what she wants and not tell me about it. It's too hard to deal with. I don't want to take the dog back only to give it up again. We never should have had dogs in the first place. We don't have enough time or energy to devote to a dog.
-Money. We have recently made some good strides in our finances and I am feeling pretty good about things. Problem is, I don't feel great. All I want is to feel great and have no payments to anyone outside of utilities, our mortgage and maybe a car loan. I just struggle with making everyday choices that support our overall goal of being secure. I know we are still young and a lot of young couples are trying to find their footing financially, but I need security and I want it now! Ok, not really, but I would like it to be about 2-3 years from now because if things go as planned, we will be feeling awesome financially! Tough choices with money suck. I wish I didn't have to make decisions or do certain things. I wish this would all be done for me or that we had a ton of extra money or whatever. It is what it is for now and all we can do is keep making good decisions going forward to get to where we want to be.
Anyway, that is all I have. I will get over it eventually but for now I am just stressed about life.
Making tough choices is part of being an adult but it sure sucks at times. Sometimes I wish someone would make decisions for me and that I wouldn't have to deal with any problems or issues ever. Sometimes I want to hide under a rock and hope it all goes away (although saying this makes it sound like I have all sorts of problems, but I really don't and am pretty blessed. I am more referring to the once in a while a bigger issue comes along). I know this is unrealistic and not very mature of me to feel this way.
I have told people in the past that I feel like I will be 21 forever (and there even happens to be a store named 'forever 21' - isn't that cute?). I don't feel like that in respect to feeling young like I want to party all the time and not have a job or responsibilities, but more like I feel that way as far as every part of being an adult is new to me and it always will be. I have been an adult for a while now and I got married when I was about 22. But the fact that I get to (or have to) decide what to do with my life and where to go and what to buy is hard for me. I still struggle with it. Heck, I may struggle with it my whole life! I told this lady I work with that it is weird that I get to decide on most things in my life. I don't know if I had an issue with this growing up where I always wanted to be in control and wasn't. I don't know. It's almost like too much freedom is bad for me and too many choices paralyze me! Sounds weird I know.
A couple of recent things that have come up that make me feel this way.....
-School. I can't decide if I want to go back to school or not. I want a degree but this is a tough time in my life to try to do it with a small child and the possibility of having another one in the next few years. Also, someone recently said to me 'you make as much money or more than a lot of people with degrees, so why bother?' I agree with this to a point but I feel like if I am going to go much farther in life and my career that I will need a degree at some point. Plus I am 28. That gives me enough time to get a degree and still have plenty of time to work my way up in my career and potentially be able to make a lot more if I do get a degree. My fear is that if I wait too much longer to start, a lot of my years of having high earning potential will be behind me. I just don't know. Add into this that I would have at least half of my school paid for by tuition reimbursement from my company if I stay. That is hard to pass up with how pricey school is these days!
-Dog. I don't want to go into it too much, but we were bad people recently and got rid of our dog. It was to a private party - a lady and her boyfriend. I got an email from her today saying she now can't keep the dog. Are you freaking kidding me? What am I supposed to do now? I don't want the dog back and I don't know what to tell her. I kinda want to say 'that's your problem now and not mine' but I would like to think of something nicer and better to say, but I don't know what it would be. I don't want to take the dog back and try to find another family for her. Too hard on us and her I think. I feel like the new owner should do what she wants and not tell me about it. It's too hard to deal with. I don't want to take the dog back only to give it up again. We never should have had dogs in the first place. We don't have enough time or energy to devote to a dog.
-Money. We have recently made some good strides in our finances and I am feeling pretty good about things. Problem is, I don't feel great. All I want is to feel great and have no payments to anyone outside of utilities, our mortgage and maybe a car loan. I just struggle with making everyday choices that support our overall goal of being secure. I know we are still young and a lot of young couples are trying to find their footing financially, but I need security and I want it now! Ok, not really, but I would like it to be about 2-3 years from now because if things go as planned, we will be feeling awesome financially! Tough choices with money suck. I wish I didn't have to make decisions or do certain things. I wish this would all be done for me or that we had a ton of extra money or whatever. It is what it is for now and all we can do is keep making good decisions going forward to get to where we want to be.
Anyway, that is all I have. I will get over it eventually but for now I am just stressed about life.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Is it Monday again??
How is it that is always seems to be Monday? Every week go faster than the last and every weekend goes EVEN faster! Argh! I need like a week or two vacation or something. My life seems to be passing me by with no warning that it is going to be going faster and faster.
I love the weekend, but what working person doesn't? I started thinking maybe I need to go back to school and become a teacher. It's one of the only jobs I know of that you get the summer off and a few other extended vacations. I would LOVE to have summers off, especially as my kid gets older and is in school and then has summers off also. It may not be an ideal job, but man, 2 1/2 months off every year and you still get paid? That would rock!
Anyway, I am trying to decide what to do this evening as my in-laws are coming on Wednesday night to visit for several days. I don't know if I should shop tonight or clean or what. We did a decent amount of cleaning this weekend so we are somewhat caught up but I would like to do a lot more tonight and tomorrow night. We are going to have 14 people at our house on Sunday for Easter dinner so hopefully I can get the house in top shape by then!
I also did some baking yesterday! I made banana bread and coconut cookies for the first time ever and they both turned out really good. I also made some oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and they are yummy too! I like to bake but I just don't take the time all that often to do it. Plus, I don't need a ton of cookies and other stuff sitting around the house for me to eat!
Anyway, at least this is a short week for me. I have a half day Wednesday and am going to a Colorado Rockies game that day with work people - paid for by work! Yay! Then I am off Friday as well, though I might switch it to Thursday, I am not sure. Anyway, hopefully it is a good week!
I love the weekend, but what working person doesn't? I started thinking maybe I need to go back to school and become a teacher. It's one of the only jobs I know of that you get the summer off and a few other extended vacations. I would LOVE to have summers off, especially as my kid gets older and is in school and then has summers off also. It may not be an ideal job, but man, 2 1/2 months off every year and you still get paid? That would rock!
Anyway, I am trying to decide what to do this evening as my in-laws are coming on Wednesday night to visit for several days. I don't know if I should shop tonight or clean or what. We did a decent amount of cleaning this weekend so we are somewhat caught up but I would like to do a lot more tonight and tomorrow night. We are going to have 14 people at our house on Sunday for Easter dinner so hopefully I can get the house in top shape by then!
I also did some baking yesterday! I made banana bread and coconut cookies for the first time ever and they both turned out really good. I also made some oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and they are yummy too! I like to bake but I just don't take the time all that often to do it. Plus, I don't need a ton of cookies and other stuff sitting around the house for me to eat!
Anyway, at least this is a short week for me. I have a half day Wednesday and am going to a Colorado Rockies game that day with work people - paid for by work! Yay! Then I am off Friday as well, though I might switch it to Thursday, I am not sure. Anyway, hopefully it is a good week!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Weekend hike
We finally did what most Colorado residents seem to do. We went on a hike on Sunday! We went out to Matthews/Winters park just West of Denver. It wasn't a bad drive at all - less than an hour from our house and it was well worth it! We took the kiddo because we hadn't planned it much in advance and he did so well! He actually hiked most of the way with us and we only carried him a little bit towards the end. At the end, he got a little fussy but that was after almost 2 hours!
Anyway, here are some pictures!
Anyway, here are some pictures!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
The joys and challenges of parenting
Saturday night was the biggest power struggle I have had with my 27 month old to date.
Xander didn't want to put on his pajamas, he didn't want to take a bath and he wanted to wear his new Toy Story shoes to bed that I had bought him yesterday (hey, they light up - I get it). I won't say sorry for this next part because I fully believe in it and I realize some people don't, but I ended up spanking him a few times before he would calm down as he was screaming and carrying on for a long time. I kept telling him no and he wouldn't listen.
I realize some parents would give in and just let their kid wear shoes to bed but it's about more than just that for me. It's about my child listening when I tell him something and understanding he can't always have what he wants when he wants it. Some parents would say it's not worth the fight but I have to disagree. I do agree there are some small things not worth worrying about but I think things should be done in a normal way most of the time (not wearing shoes to bed) and I don't need to accommodate my son just to avoid a fight.
I don't know, maybe I should have just given in but I felt like I should stick to my guns last night. Also, once you say no, you need to enforce it otherwise the kid will learn you are inconsistent and will challenge you even more.
I know I am not a perfect parent but I sure am trying my best. It blows my mind how few parents out there seem to have no common sense in raising their kids. There are so many rude or oblivious kids out there and I actually feel sorry for the kids because they are being short changed in being shaped into a responsible adult. I just can't let my kid turn into a crazy, bratty kid. I want nothing more than for him to live a normal life with values and morals and learn hard work and determination.
I know everyone has their thoughts on how a kid should be raised but I feel like society as a whole is going down hill at least in the manners department so I want to do everything I can to prevent that. We are already teaching 'please' and 'thank you'. It seems to be a lost art.
I know the struggles are worth it as he is overall a very good little boy. He has very few tantrums and is happy most of the time. He is pretty calm too - not a really high strung kid. I feel lucky he is so easy most of the time.
That is all. Some people may disagree but that is ok.
Xander didn't want to put on his pajamas, he didn't want to take a bath and he wanted to wear his new Toy Story shoes to bed that I had bought him yesterday (hey, they light up - I get it). I won't say sorry for this next part because I fully believe in it and I realize some people don't, but I ended up spanking him a few times before he would calm down as he was screaming and carrying on for a long time. I kept telling him no and he wouldn't listen.
I realize some parents would give in and just let their kid wear shoes to bed but it's about more than just that for me. It's about my child listening when I tell him something and understanding he can't always have what he wants when he wants it. Some parents would say it's not worth the fight but I have to disagree. I do agree there are some small things not worth worrying about but I think things should be done in a normal way most of the time (not wearing shoes to bed) and I don't need to accommodate my son just to avoid a fight.
I don't know, maybe I should have just given in but I felt like I should stick to my guns last night. Also, once you say no, you need to enforce it otherwise the kid will learn you are inconsistent and will challenge you even more.
I know I am not a perfect parent but I sure am trying my best. It blows my mind how few parents out there seem to have no common sense in raising their kids. There are so many rude or oblivious kids out there and I actually feel sorry for the kids because they are being short changed in being shaped into a responsible adult. I just can't let my kid turn into a crazy, bratty kid. I want nothing more than for him to live a normal life with values and morals and learn hard work and determination.
I know everyone has their thoughts on how a kid should be raised but I feel like society as a whole is going down hill at least in the manners department so I want to do everything I can to prevent that. We are already teaching 'please' and 'thank you'. It seems to be a lost art.
I know the struggles are worth it as he is overall a very good little boy. He has very few tantrums and is happy most of the time. He is pretty calm too - not a really high strung kid. I feel lucky he is so easy most of the time.
That is all. Some people may disagree but that is ok.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
I've Lost It!!!!
I can't believe I lost my last blogger account!
I had a blog already - you can check it out here- http://123vests.blogspot.com/
I know that my password was correct and also my security question, but the stupid system says that it is wrong and that they can't identify me and since it is a free service, there is no way you can get help from Google or anyone that works for them. I have tried filling out the form to get access back several times but it keeps saying they can't identify me. I almost wonder if someone hacked my account, but nothing else weird has shown up in that regards.
So frustrating.
Anyway, I went ahead and chose a new title for my blog since my last one is still taken. :( I wonder if it will sit out there forever or if they shut it down after a while.
It will take a while to get my new blog to where I want it to be as far as pictures and links and other stuff.
I chose this new name, not because we travel or move around a lot, but because that is my mind constantly. It is all over the map. I jump from one thing to another, from one thought or idea to another, all without hesitation. I am a random person by nature and I just can't apologize for it!
I have so many things I could write about.
I look at losing my last blog as a chance to start fresh. I am going to cover a variety of topics that interest or affect me instead of just general info about me (which I am sure is somewhat boring).
Here are things I want to talk about:
-Parenting and all the fun that comes with it!
-My diabetes - not just about it in general (cause that's just boring) but how I want to work to be healthier.
-My weight. Always a struggle and if I am accountable and write things down, maybe I can stick with doing something about it.
-My family life. The dynamic with all three of us and including our extended family.
-Scrapbooking and/or crafts. I haven't worked on this in months and want to get back to it.
-Work life - while keeping it vague as to not get in trouble! :)
-Money. Goals, accomplishments in paying certain things off. We are ok with money but need to be better.
-Random thoughts in my head (which is what this blog is all about anyway).
-Love and my relationship with my husband.
-Pictures. I have gotten really bad about taking them and am going to start again soon. I like to tell a story with them and I need to take more artistic pictures besides just the usual family ones.
-Product reviews. I am a dork but I love to mention stuff that I love or even sometimes that I hate.
-Anything else I choose to write about. Hey, it is my blog right? I will write about whatever, whenever cause that's the way I roll (or something).
Ta ta for now!
I had a blog already - you can check it out here- http://123vests.blogspot.com/
I know that my password was correct and also my security question, but the stupid system says that it is wrong and that they can't identify me and since it is a free service, there is no way you can get help from Google or anyone that works for them. I have tried filling out the form to get access back several times but it keeps saying they can't identify me. I almost wonder if someone hacked my account, but nothing else weird has shown up in that regards.
So frustrating.
Anyway, I went ahead and chose a new title for my blog since my last one is still taken. :( I wonder if it will sit out there forever or if they shut it down after a while.
It will take a while to get my new blog to where I want it to be as far as pictures and links and other stuff.
I chose this new name, not because we travel or move around a lot, but because that is my mind constantly. It is all over the map. I jump from one thing to another, from one thought or idea to another, all without hesitation. I am a random person by nature and I just can't apologize for it!
I have so many things I could write about.
I look at losing my last blog as a chance to start fresh. I am going to cover a variety of topics that interest or affect me instead of just general info about me (which I am sure is somewhat boring).
Here are things I want to talk about:
-Parenting and all the fun that comes with it!
-My diabetes - not just about it in general (cause that's just boring) but how I want to work to be healthier.
-My weight. Always a struggle and if I am accountable and write things down, maybe I can stick with doing something about it.
-My family life. The dynamic with all three of us and including our extended family.
-Scrapbooking and/or crafts. I haven't worked on this in months and want to get back to it.
-Work life - while keeping it vague as to not get in trouble! :)
-Money. Goals, accomplishments in paying certain things off. We are ok with money but need to be better.
-Random thoughts in my head (which is what this blog is all about anyway).
-Love and my relationship with my husband.
-Pictures. I have gotten really bad about taking them and am going to start again soon. I like to tell a story with them and I need to take more artistic pictures besides just the usual family ones.
-Product reviews. I am a dork but I love to mention stuff that I love or even sometimes that I hate.
-Anything else I choose to write about. Hey, it is my blog right? I will write about whatever, whenever cause that's the way I roll (or something).
Ta ta for now!
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