Thursday, April 21, 2011

Why is being an adult so difficult?

I know that is a silly, rhetorical question, but it just sucks to be an adult sometimes.

Making tough choices is part of being an adult but it sure sucks at times.  Sometimes I wish someone would make decisions for me and that I wouldn't have to deal with any problems or issues ever.  Sometimes I want to hide under a rock and hope it all goes away (although saying this makes it sound like I have all sorts of problems, but I really don't and am pretty blessed.  I am more referring to the once in a while a bigger issue comes along).  I know this is unrealistic and not very mature of me to feel this way.

I have told people in the past that I feel like I will be 21 forever (and there even happens to be a store named 'forever 21' - isn't that cute?).  I don't feel like that in respect to feeling young like I want to party all the time and not have a job or responsibilities, but more like I feel that way as far as every part of being an adult is new to me and it always will be.  I have been an adult for a while now and I got married when I was about 22.  But the fact that I get to (or have to) decide what to do with my life and where to go and what to buy is hard for me.  I still struggle with it.  Heck, I may struggle with it my whole life!  I told this lady I work with that it is weird that I get to decide on most things in my life.  I don't know if I had an issue with this growing up where I always wanted to be in control and wasn't.  I don't know.  It's almost like too much freedom is bad for me and too many choices paralyze me!  Sounds weird I know.

A couple of recent things that have come up that make me feel this way.....

-School.  I can't decide if I want to go back to school or not.  I want a degree but this is a tough time in my life to try to do it with a small child and the possibility of having another one in the next few years.  Also, someone recently said to me 'you make as much money or more than a lot of people with degrees, so why bother?'  I agree with this to a point but I feel like if I am going to go much farther in life and my career that I will need a degree at some point.  Plus I am 28.  That gives me enough time to get a degree and still have plenty of time to work my way up in my career and potentially be able to make a lot more if I do get a degree.  My fear is that if I wait too much longer to start, a lot of my years of having high earning potential will be behind me.  I just don't know.  Add into this that I would have at least half of my school paid for by tuition reimbursement from my company if I stay.  That is hard to pass up with how pricey school is these days!

-Dog.  I don't want to go into it too much, but we were bad people recently and got rid of our dog.  It was to a private party - a lady and her boyfriend.  I got an email from her today saying she now can't keep the dog.  Are you freaking kidding me?  What am I supposed to do now?  I don't want the dog back and I don't know what to tell her.  I kinda want to say 'that's your problem now and not mine' but I would like to think of something nicer and better to say, but I don't know what it would be.  I don't want to take the dog back and try to find another family for her.  Too hard on us and her I think.  I feel like the new owner should do what she wants and not tell me about it.  It's too hard to deal with.  I don't want to take the dog back only to give it up again.  We never should have had dogs in the first place.  We don't have enough time or energy to devote to a dog. 

-Money.  We have recently made some good strides in our finances and I am feeling pretty good about things.  Problem is, I don't feel great.  All I want is to feel great and have no payments to anyone outside of utilities, our mortgage and maybe a car loan.  I just struggle with making everyday choices that support our overall goal of being secure.  I know we are still young and a lot of young couples are trying to find their footing financially, but I need security and I want it now!  Ok, not really, but I would like it to be about 2-3 years from now because if things go as planned, we will be feeling awesome financially!  Tough choices with money suck.  I wish I didn't have to make decisions or do certain things.  I wish this would all be done for me or that we had a ton of extra money or whatever.  It is what it is for now and all we can do is keep making good decisions going forward to get to where we want to be.

Anyway, that is all I have.  I will get over it eventually but for now I am just stressed about life.

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