Thursday, June 30, 2011

4th of July weekend

I must admit, I have no awesome plans for this weekend, other than relaxing, shopping and spending some awesome time with my little boy and my husband.  I am excited to enjoy time with my kiddo for four days in a row (since the hubby has to work all four days I am off - boo)!  I have a three day weekend due to the holiday, but am also taking the 5th off to go to a doctor's appointment and to finally get my drivers license (after living here in Colorado for 6 months)!

In amongst the errands, we will find some time so see some fireworks, play in the backyard with Xander's pool and water table (while momma catches some sun), make some yummy food and also let Xander do a few small fireworks like some smoke balls, snaps and snakes.  I will try to take some pictures to document the weekend but it should be a good one regardless.

Sleeping in, no set schedule.....that is my idea of a nice long weekend!  I can't wait for it to start.  Is it only Thursday?

It's a little strange not having my family in town to do anything with as we always got together on the 4th of July with my side of the family back home and always had an awesome time!  I love doing fireworks and watching them go off in the neighborhood around us.  I guess the fireworks laws here in Colorado are more strict so we probably won't see as many big ones in the air, but I am sure it will still be fun. 

I do have a to do list about 5 miles long also, but I am going to try and prioritize what I want to get done the most so I don't feel like I am working all weekend and not having any fun.  I want to get some things done while also enjoying myself so I think I should start on my list tonight and tomorrow night so I don't leave it all for the weekend.

Happy 4th of July!!

Friday, June 24, 2011

A little road trip

So me, the hubs and the kiddo are headed to Nebraska this weekend for two things.  To see my best friends new baby and to visit with family.

It is going to be a short one.  Drive out this afternoon, get in about midnight, spend tomorrow with family/my friend and then drive back Sunday.

It will be a super short trip, but is still one I'm really looking forward to!  I love seeing tiny babies and can't wait to meet this one!  Also, we moved here to Colorado just over 6 months ago and I haven't seen any of my siblings since January.  I miss them!

Should be fun and tiring.  Can't wait!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Finding myself

This is going to seem like a cheesy self discovery post, but it's not meant to be that.

I just wanted to put it out there that recenty I've been feeling like somehow I've lost myself.  I think it happened when I had a child.  I don't even know myself the full extent of what I mean by this, but I feel as though I don't do anything that I find fun or enjoyable anymore, I don't take care of myself the way I should and I don't spend the amount of time on friendships that I wish I could (or housework, or reading or a number of other things).

That's not to say that being a mom isn't the best thing in the world, because it is!  I wouldn't give up one second of my son's life for anything.  But I will say, having a kid is extremely time consuming!  I am constantly racked with guilt about what I am not doing or getting done.  I should work out more.  I should cook more.  I should clean more.  I should read to my son more.  I should spend more time playing with the dog.  I should contact my family and friends more.  I should keep better track of our money.  I should budget more so we can save more.  I should make time for scrapbooking.  I should take and print more pictures.  The list goes on.

I try not to live by the whole 'I should be doing this or that' standard and I know I should just try to enjoy each day as it comes, but I just can't help but feel like I am missing out on some things.  I have mentioned this in several previous posts, but I feel like part of why I feel this way is my commute to work.  It eats up about 2 1/2 hours of my day and it is just out of hand.  I hate that all that time is just gone with nothing to show for it.  The only thing I have been doing in that time is reading.  I know reading is good for me and I do really enjoy rit so it is somewhat enjoyable.  I just wish I could do more with that time.  I feel like it is a waste.

I feel like I have so many unfinished projects at home and it just bugs me to death!  I have my son's scrapbook from his first year, and I am only on month 6 - he is 2 1/2!  That is a huge goal of mine - to get it done by the time he is three.  How pathetic is that?  I know they say people make time for what they want to make time for and that is true.  I enjoy watching tv and browsing around on the internet, so that is what I spend my time doing quite a bit.  I could choose to spend more of the time editing pictures and ordering them so I can complete scrapbooks and I could spend more time cleaning so I keep my home nice but I don't.  I think part of the reason is because I am tired.  It is much easier to come home and plop down and relax after a long day and a long commute.

I think it is true how they say that you choose your own happiness or you choose whether or not you want to be happy.  I think the choices we make are a big deal and I think for the most part, we have no one to blame but ourselves for the choices we make and any resulting happiness/unhappiness from those choices.

I need to choose to do things that are more fulfilling then tv and the internet.  I need to go on a tv strike so I can start doing other things I enjoy.  In fact, I think I am going to.  I just want to feel like I got the most from my evenings and didn't waste them.  Time on weekdays is at a premium so I want to spend it wisely.

Anyway, back to the whole 'finding myself' thing.  I think another part of the reason I feel this way is because I don't know what I want from life.  I don't know if this is the career field I want to stay in or if I want to move on and go back to school or if I want to save up as much as possible to become a stay at home mom again if we decide to have another child.  I don't even know if I want another child!  I feel like I have some decisions to make and some serious thinking to do.  I don't know if I should try to put a deadline on my decisions, but I want to make up my mind.  I am not old by any means, but also don't want to wait another 10 years to decide what to do with my life.  It's just hard being an adult and having to make real life decisions.

I also know that part of being really happy is being healthy.  I am not so healthy right now and am starting to work on it.  I just went to the doctor for the first time in a year and feel like that was a step in the right direction of taking better care of myself.  Now on to the dentist and eye doctor!  Also, I need to get real and finally decide to lose the extra 30 pounds I am carrying.  I think I would feel like a whole new person if I lost the weight once and for all!  I must do it.  I keep telling myself this but have to finally commit.

I suppose that is all for now.  I just needed to get these thoughts out of my head, even if not a single person reads them!

Monday, June 20, 2011

Feeling down....

I have been feeling not myself for the last week for more than one reason.

First of all, I have had a nasty stomach bug for the last several days.  I was throwing up last Monday night but haven't since then luckily.  However, I have felt pretty crappy off an on since then and haven't eaten a full meal since then (good for my waistline).  I tried to eat a regular meal last night for the first time since Monday and sure enough, I felt extremely ill.  I didn't get sick but was so close and learned my lesson that I'm not ready for full meals yet.  It may be a few days yet the way I am going.

Also, it feels like the last few months have overall gone really well and that money has been no issue and other things seem to be smooth as well.  I'm not sure why but it feels like it is changing for the worse now.

The air conditioner in my car (a 2006 - not even that old) stopped working last week.  Todd was able to fix it however and it appears to just have been out of coolant.  No biggie, about $30. Just glad it wasn't worse and that Todd did it himself to save money.

The brakes in my car also appear to be on their last leg.  Or at least the brake pads.  They are squealing like a pig right now and have been for a little while so I better get them changed before I do permanent damage to them.

Since I have felt sick, I have had no energy and no motivation so my house is a mess and I feel like I will never get on top of it.

I have had more than one late payment on utility bills recently (nothing bad like a credit card).  It's not that I can't pay them or don't want to but seriously, I forget.  And more than one of the bills I set up on auto pay and it didn't freaking pay the bill this month.  How is that my fault?  Anyway, it's been frustrating because all the bills are different than back home and fall at different times so I've had trouble getting into a routine where I remember to pay them.  Frustrating.

I'm no where near where I wanted to be as far as weight loss for the summer right now.  I wanted to lose at least a few pounds by now and I am big as ever.  Also, I have gotten no time in the sun so I am still pasty white which doesn't help my cause.

Bleh.  I am ready to start feeling better and like myself again and when that happens, it's on to a new me.  Funny how when you feel like you finally have motivation to start working out, that is when you get sick.  That's life I guess.

Monday, June 6, 2011


The not so gradual approach of summer has me running scared!  I put on a swimming suit for the first time this summer yesterday and let's just say it wasn't pretty.  Ugh.

At least it's motivation if nothing else!  I feel like I want to get out more and do more activities and get a tan and lose some weight.  I already told me husband we need to go to the gym tonight.....for the first time in weeks!  I have had NO motivation recently....until yesterday.  Ha!

I just wish I was one of those naturally skinny girls but I am not and will never be.  The best I can hope to be is just healthy.  I have about 20 pounds to go until that.  I was thinking, if I get started now, I could be down 20 pounds by the end of summer and then.....summer would be over.  :(  Should have thought about that a while ago, eh?

Oh well.  Life goes on.  I won't be the skinniest mom at the pool but pretty sure I won't be the biggest either.  Just need to find a flattering black one piece suit and I am good to go.  Oh and a good tan.  I have the lotion in the bottle so we'll see how that turns out!

Now to find the nearest pool!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Slow down!

I can't believe it is Wednesday already!  Where does the last few days go?  I want time to slow down a bit.  I feel like life is just passing before me and I am just a spectator!  I want to enjoy the days and my time more. 

I have talked to Todd about how memories, much more than things, make me happy.  That is why I would rather invest money in activities and things that we can do to make memories instead of material things.  Not saying I won't ever buys some new shoes or clothes, but I think I put a higher value on activities and memories than I do 'stuff '. 

Speaking of, I have a whole lot planned for the summer and I hope we get to do even half of what I want to do!  We both work full time so it is hard to do a lot of the things I want but we have to take advantage of our weekends and get out more this summer.

I think it will be a great summer and I better start working on our activity list and get to planning!