Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The one where I talk about being a diabetic

First, let me being with a few randoms.

-I think it is funny how other bloggers in the blogosphere (or whatever you call it) all use a lot of similar wording or topics or whatever.  My title of this post is to honor all the other great bloggers out there.  This seems to be a super common title - "The one where.......".   I think it is a pretty funny title, so I copied.

-My parents are coming to town this week for another visit - their third visit since we moved here!  I love having family visit as it makes me feel not so far away from home and helps me miss it a little bit less. 

-I have decided to either turn this blog into a blog about me being diabetic or to start a new blog.  I have tried to start other blogs before but never kept up with them up cared about them much.  But this is something I care about.  It is a huge part of me and though it is not all I am about, I feel like if I focus on it a bit more, I will be able to understand myself better and manage my disease better.  Sorry to the two readers who actually read my blog - hopefully this won't send you running for the hills!

-We are looking at new cars.  I think I have mentioned this once before but we are getting more serious.  I know what car I want and though it is nothing fancy, it should be very practical and versatile.  We are looking at getting a Subaru Forrester.  The funny thing is, we have a Subaru already and love it so much so we thought we might get another.  But this time instead of a car, we want a small SUV since you can actually fit quite a bit more in it.  Not that we buy big items a lot, but it sure is nice to have when you do buy something big or bulky.  We had a Jeep before and it was great for this reason.

-On to being diabetic and some things that have been running through my head recently.

I have been a bad diabetic the last, oh 5 years, or basically since I was diagnosed.  In some ways, I have never come to terms with the fact that this disease isn't going anywhere.  I have had some good moments in the last 5 years of taking care of myself, but overall, I have done a super craptastic job.  Let me tell you why.  Because it SUCKS!!!!

I have type 1  diabetes and it bothers me so much when people say 'oh, can you just lose some weight and exercise more to treat it?'  No!!!!  I can't.  I wish I could, but I have to take insulin the rest of my life no matter how skinny or fat I am (unless they cure it in my lifetime, which I am not counting on).  I wish it was different and wish it wasn't me, but wishing it away won't do anything.

I recently realized that something has to change.  So, this is a new me, starting about 2 weeks ago.  I went to the doctor for the first time in a year.  My A1C you ask?  Oh, just 11.8 (most non-diabetic people are at 6.0 or below)!  I knew it would be high, but I don't know if I was prepared to see how high it had gotten.  That's pretty scary.  Especially since I was able to have it down to 5.6 when I was pregnant with my son!  I know it can be done, so why haven't I been doing it?

When I went back to the doctor, I told myself this is it.  This is finally when I am going to take care of myself for the rest of my life.  I am not saying I won't make mistakes or slip up or have a bad day, week or even month, but I won't let it get this bad again.  I can't.  Not if I want to see my sweet little boy grow up and grow old with my husband.

In my doctor's office posted on their wall is a sign that basically says they will let you fail as many times as you have to and they will always support you and help you.  They basically give you permission to be human.  To fail and fall and to get back up again and keep trying.  That is what it is all about.  Constantly working at it.  It will never be easy but it is worth doing.  I love how they have that posted.  It makes me feel like I'm not being judged.  They were super nice at that office too so I am looking forward to going back more often.  I don't want to say I disliked my last doctor, but I feel like she didn't have much time for me.

My life will be changing for the better and it has already started.  I have been testing my blood sugar more often and also, I started a new medication - Symlin.  This has already helped my blood sugar control and I am still on the lowest dose and will probably move up in the dose which will help me even more.  I am probably going to be getting an insulin pump which will also help.  I am the most excited about that and will hopefully have one within a few months.  The doctor wants me to work on being in better control first and then I should be able to get a pump.

I am ready for life to change, to be better.  I have to make the choice.  I have to choose to be healthy and happy and to take care of myself.  I only have one life and one body and should not take it for granted.

This feels weird to say, but I feel like this is a major journey I am on and it feels new in some ways and old in others.  I am just going to do my best and forget the rest (borrowed that one from Tony Horton).  Wish me luck with my journey!

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