And I want it back!!!
I have a mega case of the Monday's today and nothing has brought me out of my funk so far. I am tired and cranky and don't wanna work.
The good news is, I had a great weekend!
My in-laws were here this weekend along with my two nephews. We went to a fun restaurant on Friday night and to Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs on Saturday. Random side note - I saw this girl that I went to high school with and was on swim team with back in Nebraska - at Chik-Fil-A in Colorado Springs. How weird is that? I guess I knew she lived there, but it's not a tiny town and the chances of running into her were pretty small, but I did!
Anyway, the family left on Sunday morning and Todd and I decided to get out of the house again and we took Xander to Tiny Town - a little railroad play place for kids in Morrison (kinda in the foothills of the mountains). I think Xander had a lot of fun and even went on a train ride! When we were done, we decided to just start driving West on 285 and after a while, we realized that Breckenridge wasn't much further, so we went there! It was beautiful minus some rain when we first got there. The drive up there was breathtaking and there was still some snow on the high mountains in July! So pretty!
Anyway, we got home late last night and even though I went to bed pretty early, I am still tired, hence the case of the Monday's. At least Monday is only one day of the week and for me, it's already half over, so I will make it.
We are going to a Rockies game this Thursday night and my parents come next weekend so I am pretty happy with the activity level in our lives right now. I hate sitting home every night and not doing anything. I love to get out and experience things and it has been fun doing some of the stuff we've done recently.
Next major thing on the agenda for getting out of the house is heading to Estes Park and maybe Rocky Mountain National Park soon. I think either this coming weekend or in three weeks we might go for a day trip. The drive won't be too bad and it should be beautiful there as well!
C'mon Friday. Where are you at?? :)
Monday, July 11, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Why can't I do what I want to do?
The short answer is probably because I have no idea what I want to do!
This applies to several areas in my life. My job, my exercise routine, my hobbies. I know, right? Who doesn't know what hobbies they like/want to have? Me. Well that's not entirely true. It's because I love to do several different things but either don't have the time, money or energy to do them as much as I would like.
I love taking pictures but don't have a lot of time to work on photo shop or different techniques. I don't have the money for better equipment either, though the camera we have is not too shabby.
I love to scrapbook but am not that good at it yet and don't have much time for it either. Plus it can get expensive.
I used to like to exercise but again, feel like I have no time and also feel like I lack the energy most of the time.
Also, I used to play the piano. But we don't own one, don't really have room for one and also don't really have the money to buy a nice one.
Then there's my job.
I do really like my job but cannot see having an hour and ten minute commute each way, every day for the rest of my life or at least even a few more years. I really want something closer to home or if it can't be closer to home, something that pays more. Haha. Not trying to sound greedy but I guess I feel like if I was paid more, I could excuse the fact that I have so little time at home every weekday a little bit.
I don't know what I want. I've considered going back to school and getting a degree for what I do now, or for teaching, or for something in the medical field, or to be a lawyer. I feel like I am 18 and have no idea what to do with my life or what I want to be 'when I grow up'. Problem is, I am 28, nearly 29 and still don't know. I feel a little pathetic but also realize I have a lot of years left or working, so even if I wanted to switch careers now, if it is only 4 years until I have a degree or even 5, I still would have a lot of good years left of working and earning potential.
Why are these decisions so hard? I think I keep putting off a decision because I am a little paralyzed with fear. I think I am afraid that if I get a degree, I will be locked into one thing and what if I end up hating it? I will have wasted all of that money on nothing! I also want to get a job where I feel like the college degree was worth it monetarily. I don't want to spend $60,000 on college for a $30,000/year job because I make more than that now. Not trying to sound snotty, but at least to me that wouldn't be worth it.
I also considered quitting my job to become a classroom aid (para) at a school and make hardly anything for the chance to have summers off every year and spend a lot more time with my son. I would also have some time off at Christmas and various other holidays throughout the year. I wouldn't make a lot but it would be awesome to have that much time off. I thought about doing that and working on a teaching degree at the same time so I could eventually be a teacher and still have the same hours but at least make a little more.
I have never had a serious conversation with Todd about this but need to because what I do affects him too. If I decide to go back to school, that's great, but that will likely require student loans and more debt obligations. If I downgrade the job, we will have less income. We need to make a decision as to what will be the best thing for us in the long run. I have to remember to look at this long term and not short term. Even though a lot of things would change in the short term, the long term outcome of such decisions could be very different depending on what I choose.
So, I suppose it is time to finally choose. I can choose to go back to school. I can choose to stay where I am and try to keep working my way up (which has worked well for me so far, but I'm afraid a cap on my success is coming soon without a degree) or I can go for the para job and do nothing else, or go back to school at the same time. I can choose to change career fields not including teaching. I just don't know.
Ok, that was a lot of ranting for nothing really. It didn't help me make a choice, just helped me feel better about not having made one yet by letting it all out.
I think if I don't make a decision by the end of this year, I will give myself a deadline of very early next year.
That's all. Thanks for reading. :)
This applies to several areas in my life. My job, my exercise routine, my hobbies. I know, right? Who doesn't know what hobbies they like/want to have? Me. Well that's not entirely true. It's because I love to do several different things but either don't have the time, money or energy to do them as much as I would like.
I love taking pictures but don't have a lot of time to work on photo shop or different techniques. I don't have the money for better equipment either, though the camera we have is not too shabby.
I love to scrapbook but am not that good at it yet and don't have much time for it either. Plus it can get expensive.
I used to like to exercise but again, feel like I have no time and also feel like I lack the energy most of the time.
Also, I used to play the piano. But we don't own one, don't really have room for one and also don't really have the money to buy a nice one.
Then there's my job.
I do really like my job but cannot see having an hour and ten minute commute each way, every day for the rest of my life or at least even a few more years. I really want something closer to home or if it can't be closer to home, something that pays more. Haha. Not trying to sound greedy but I guess I feel like if I was paid more, I could excuse the fact that I have so little time at home every weekday a little bit.
I don't know what I want. I've considered going back to school and getting a degree for what I do now, or for teaching, or for something in the medical field, or to be a lawyer. I feel like I am 18 and have no idea what to do with my life or what I want to be 'when I grow up'. Problem is, I am 28, nearly 29 and still don't know. I feel a little pathetic but also realize I have a lot of years left or working, so even if I wanted to switch careers now, if it is only 4 years until I have a degree or even 5, I still would have a lot of good years left of working and earning potential.
Why are these decisions so hard? I think I keep putting off a decision because I am a little paralyzed with fear. I think I am afraid that if I get a degree, I will be locked into one thing and what if I end up hating it? I will have wasted all of that money on nothing! I also want to get a job where I feel like the college degree was worth it monetarily. I don't want to spend $60,000 on college for a $30,000/year job because I make more than that now. Not trying to sound snotty, but at least to me that wouldn't be worth it.
I also considered quitting my job to become a classroom aid (para) at a school and make hardly anything for the chance to have summers off every year and spend a lot more time with my son. I would also have some time off at Christmas and various other holidays throughout the year. I wouldn't make a lot but it would be awesome to have that much time off. I thought about doing that and working on a teaching degree at the same time so I could eventually be a teacher and still have the same hours but at least make a little more.
I have never had a serious conversation with Todd about this but need to because what I do affects him too. If I decide to go back to school, that's great, but that will likely require student loans and more debt obligations. If I downgrade the job, we will have less income. We need to make a decision as to what will be the best thing for us in the long run. I have to remember to look at this long term and not short term. Even though a lot of things would change in the short term, the long term outcome of such decisions could be very different depending on what I choose.
So, I suppose it is time to finally choose. I can choose to go back to school. I can choose to stay where I am and try to keep working my way up (which has worked well for me so far, but I'm afraid a cap on my success is coming soon without a degree) or I can go for the para job and do nothing else, or go back to school at the same time. I can choose to change career fields not including teaching. I just don't know.
Ok, that was a lot of ranting for nothing really. It didn't help me make a choice, just helped me feel better about not having made one yet by letting it all out.
I think if I don't make a decision by the end of this year, I will give myself a deadline of very early next year.
That's all. Thanks for reading. :)
Monday, July 4, 2011
Happy 4th and my to do list.
Happy Independence Day! Today I am thankful for the freedom we have in this country that we often take for granted. I am free to write this post because I live in America and because we have fought hard for our freedom. And freedom isn't free.
Hope everyone has a safe and fun day!
As far as my holiday and to do list, here is the breakdown:
We went and saw fireworks last night. It was so fun to see Xander so excited to see the fireworks. That's probably the only major fireworks we will see, but it was a good show and free!
We aren't doing much today because Todd has to work. I think tonight once he gets home we are going to do our little bit of fireworks on the back patio for Xander and just relax.
In the mean time, I have a ton of cleaning and laundry to do today. I'm also finally going to order pictures for scrapbooks that I have been putting off for months.
Tomorrow I took the day off of work, but it won't be that fun because I have to go get my drivers license in the morning and go to the doctor in the afternoon. In the middle of the day I think I will run a few errands. I need to return a couple of items and even though I went to the store yesterday, I forgot a few items so I am going to have to go back. I also need to return a broken fishing pole. Todd bought me one and the first day we used it, it stopped working.
I am hoping to get a lot done today so I don't have as much to do tomorrow. At least I have a super short work week this week and Todd's parents come this weekend along with our two nephews that they are watching and we have a couple of awesome things planned for this coming weekend. I think we are going to Colorado Springs to Garden of the Gods and maybe the Royal Gorge, then the next day we are probably headed to Estes Park or maybe Rocky Mountain National Park. Either way, it will be awesome since those are places I have wanted to go since we moved here.
Looking forward to the next two days and the coming weekend!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Today's plan
So I am going to try to fill this weekend with a combo of fun and productive activities since I have four days off and don't want to waste the whole weekend doing nothing.
Today I have done nothing so far which is fine with me but I am about to start on some stuff. Xander let me sleep until 8:30 this morning so that was great! It felt awesome and made me rested to help me get through the day and that also tends to make me in a better mood throughout the day.
So here is the plan for the rest of the day and for the other three days this 'weekend'.
Today
-Go outside with X in a few minutes with lots of sunscreen to let him swim in his pool/play at his water table and get some sun for myself.
-Sort and file coupons. My coupon file is out of control and out of date so this needs to be done.
-Talk to Todd about a schedule for the weekend and possibly when to go test drive some cars (we think we may get a new one soon).
-Fireworks show tonight? Depends on how Todd feels after work and we may end up doing this tomorrow night.
-Vacuum upstairs.
-Give X a bath.
-Clean up the living room.
And for the rest of the weekend:
-See a fireworks show for Xander.
-Let Xander swim at least one other time.
-Do other cleaning around the house/laundry.
-Light off the few fireworks we bought for Xander.
-Return a couple of items and pick up a few sale items at the store.
-Make a to-do list of stuff I have been putting off.
-Start cleaning up the office (Todd's parents are visiting next week and it's a mess).
-Clean our room/Xander's room.
-Do at least one other fun activity with Xander.
-Tuesday I have to get my drivers license and I have a doctor's appointment in the afternoon.
-Exercise at least 3 of the 4 days I have off.
-Find my favorite swimsuit....I haven't been able to locate it, so off I go to look for it!
Today I have done nothing so far which is fine with me but I am about to start on some stuff. Xander let me sleep until 8:30 this morning so that was great! It felt awesome and made me rested to help me get through the day and that also tends to make me in a better mood throughout the day.
So here is the plan for the rest of the day and for the other three days this 'weekend'.
Today
-Go outside with X in a few minutes with lots of sunscreen to let him swim in his pool/play at his water table and get some sun for myself.
-Sort and file coupons. My coupon file is out of control and out of date so this needs to be done.
-Talk to Todd about a schedule for the weekend and possibly when to go test drive some cars (we think we may get a new one soon).
-Fireworks show tonight? Depends on how Todd feels after work and we may end up doing this tomorrow night.
-Vacuum upstairs.
-Give X a bath.
-Clean up the living room.
And for the rest of the weekend:
-See a fireworks show for Xander.
-Let Xander swim at least one other time.
-Do other cleaning around the house/laundry.
-Light off the few fireworks we bought for Xander.
-Return a couple of items and pick up a few sale items at the store.
-Make a to-do list of stuff I have been putting off.
-Start cleaning up the office (Todd's parents are visiting next week and it's a mess).
-Clean our room/Xander's room.
-Do at least one other fun activity with Xander.
-Tuesday I have to get my drivers license and I have a doctor's appointment in the afternoon.
-Exercise at least 3 of the 4 days I have off.
-Find my favorite swimsuit....I haven't been able to locate it, so off I go to look for it!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
4th of July weekend
I must admit, I have no awesome plans for this weekend, other than relaxing, shopping and spending some awesome time with my little boy and my husband. I am excited to enjoy time with my kiddo for four days in a row (since the hubby has to work all four days I am off - boo)! I have a three day weekend due to the holiday, but am also taking the 5th off to go to a doctor's appointment and to finally get my drivers license (after living here in Colorado for 6 months)!
In amongst the errands, we will find some time so see some fireworks, play in the backyard with Xander's pool and water table (while momma catches some sun), make some yummy food and also let Xander do a few small fireworks like some smoke balls, snaps and snakes. I will try to take some pictures to document the weekend but it should be a good one regardless.
Sleeping in, no set schedule.....that is my idea of a nice long weekend! I can't wait for it to start. Is it only Thursday?
It's a little strange not having my family in town to do anything with as we always got together on the 4th of July with my side of the family back home and always had an awesome time! I love doing fireworks and watching them go off in the neighborhood around us. I guess the fireworks laws here in Colorado are more strict so we probably won't see as many big ones in the air, but I am sure it will still be fun.
I do have a to do list about 5 miles long also, but I am going to try and prioritize what I want to get done the most so I don't feel like I am working all weekend and not having any fun. I want to get some things done while also enjoying myself so I think I should start on my list tonight and tomorrow night so I don't leave it all for the weekend.
Happy 4th of July!!
In amongst the errands, we will find some time so see some fireworks, play in the backyard with Xander's pool and water table (while momma catches some sun), make some yummy food and also let Xander do a few small fireworks like some smoke balls, snaps and snakes. I will try to take some pictures to document the weekend but it should be a good one regardless.
Sleeping in, no set schedule.....that is my idea of a nice long weekend! I can't wait for it to start. Is it only Thursday?
It's a little strange not having my family in town to do anything with as we always got together on the 4th of July with my side of the family back home and always had an awesome time! I love doing fireworks and watching them go off in the neighborhood around us. I guess the fireworks laws here in Colorado are more strict so we probably won't see as many big ones in the air, but I am sure it will still be fun.
I do have a to do list about 5 miles long also, but I am going to try and prioritize what I want to get done the most so I don't feel like I am working all weekend and not having any fun. I want to get some things done while also enjoying myself so I think I should start on my list tonight and tomorrow night so I don't leave it all for the weekend.
Happy 4th of July!!
Friday, June 24, 2011
A little road trip
So me, the hubs and the kiddo are headed to Nebraska this weekend for two things. To see my best friends new baby and to visit with family.
It is going to be a short one. Drive out this afternoon, get in about midnight, spend tomorrow with family/my friend and then drive back Sunday.
It will be a super short trip, but is still one I'm really looking forward to! I love seeing tiny babies and can't wait to meet this one! Also, we moved here to Colorado just over 6 months ago and I haven't seen any of my siblings since January. I miss them!
Should be fun and tiring. Can't wait!
It is going to be a short one. Drive out this afternoon, get in about midnight, spend tomorrow with family/my friend and then drive back Sunday.
It will be a super short trip, but is still one I'm really looking forward to! I love seeing tiny babies and can't wait to meet this one! Also, we moved here to Colorado just over 6 months ago and I haven't seen any of my siblings since January. I miss them!
Should be fun and tiring. Can't wait!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Finding myself
This is going to seem like a cheesy self discovery post, but it's not meant to be that.
I just wanted to put it out there that recenty I've been feeling like somehow I've lost myself. I think it happened when I had a child. I don't even know myself the full extent of what I mean by this, but I feel as though I don't do anything that I find fun or enjoyable anymore, I don't take care of myself the way I should and I don't spend the amount of time on friendships that I wish I could (or housework, or reading or a number of other things).
That's not to say that being a mom isn't the best thing in the world, because it is! I wouldn't give up one second of my son's life for anything. But I will say, having a kid is extremely time consuming! I am constantly racked with guilt about what I am not doing or getting done. I should work out more. I should cook more. I should clean more. I should read to my son more. I should spend more time playing with the dog. I should contact my family and friends more. I should keep better track of our money. I should budget more so we can save more. I should make time for scrapbooking. I should take and print more pictures. The list goes on.
I try not to live by the whole 'I should be doing this or that' standard and I know I should just try to enjoy each day as it comes, but I just can't help but feel like I am missing out on some things. I have mentioned this in several previous posts, but I feel like part of why I feel this way is my commute to work. It eats up about 2 1/2 hours of my day and it is just out of hand. I hate that all that time is just gone with nothing to show for it. The only thing I have been doing in that time is reading. I know reading is good for me and I do really enjoy rit so it is somewhat enjoyable. I just wish I could do more with that time. I feel like it is a waste.
I feel like I have so many unfinished projects at home and it just bugs me to death! I have my son's scrapbook from his first year, and I am only on month 6 - he is 2 1/2! That is a huge goal of mine - to get it done by the time he is three. How pathetic is that? I know they say people make time for what they want to make time for and that is true. I enjoy watching tv and browsing around on the internet, so that is what I spend my time doing quite a bit. I could choose to spend more of the time editing pictures and ordering them so I can complete scrapbooks and I could spend more time cleaning so I keep my home nice but I don't. I think part of the reason is because I am tired. It is much easier to come home and plop down and relax after a long day and a long commute.
I think it is true how they say that you choose your own happiness or you choose whether or not you want to be happy. I think the choices we make are a big deal and I think for the most part, we have no one to blame but ourselves for the choices we make and any resulting happiness/unhappiness from those choices.
I need to choose to do things that are more fulfilling then tv and the internet. I need to go on a tv strike so I can start doing other things I enjoy. In fact, I think I am going to. I just want to feel like I got the most from my evenings and didn't waste them. Time on weekdays is at a premium so I want to spend it wisely.
Anyway, back to the whole 'finding myself' thing. I think another part of the reason I feel this way is because I don't know what I want from life. I don't know if this is the career field I want to stay in or if I want to move on and go back to school or if I want to save up as much as possible to become a stay at home mom again if we decide to have another child. I don't even know if I want another child! I feel like I have some decisions to make and some serious thinking to do. I don't know if I should try to put a deadline on my decisions, but I want to make up my mind. I am not old by any means, but also don't want to wait another 10 years to decide what to do with my life. It's just hard being an adult and having to make real life decisions.
I also know that part of being really happy is being healthy. I am not so healthy right now and am starting to work on it. I just went to the doctor for the first time in a year and feel like that was a step in the right direction of taking better care of myself. Now on to the dentist and eye doctor! Also, I need to get real and finally decide to lose the extra 30 pounds I am carrying. I think I would feel like a whole new person if I lost the weight once and for all! I must do it. I keep telling myself this but have to finally commit.
I suppose that is all for now. I just needed to get these thoughts out of my head, even if not a single person reads them!
I just wanted to put it out there that recenty I've been feeling like somehow I've lost myself. I think it happened when I had a child. I don't even know myself the full extent of what I mean by this, but I feel as though I don't do anything that I find fun or enjoyable anymore, I don't take care of myself the way I should and I don't spend the amount of time on friendships that I wish I could (or housework, or reading or a number of other things).
That's not to say that being a mom isn't the best thing in the world, because it is! I wouldn't give up one second of my son's life for anything. But I will say, having a kid is extremely time consuming! I am constantly racked with guilt about what I am not doing or getting done. I should work out more. I should cook more. I should clean more. I should read to my son more. I should spend more time playing with the dog. I should contact my family and friends more. I should keep better track of our money. I should budget more so we can save more. I should make time for scrapbooking. I should take and print more pictures. The list goes on.
I try not to live by the whole 'I should be doing this or that' standard and I know I should just try to enjoy each day as it comes, but I just can't help but feel like I am missing out on some things. I have mentioned this in several previous posts, but I feel like part of why I feel this way is my commute to work. It eats up about 2 1/2 hours of my day and it is just out of hand. I hate that all that time is just gone with nothing to show for it. The only thing I have been doing in that time is reading. I know reading is good for me and I do really enjoy rit so it is somewhat enjoyable. I just wish I could do more with that time. I feel like it is a waste.
I feel like I have so many unfinished projects at home and it just bugs me to death! I have my son's scrapbook from his first year, and I am only on month 6 - he is 2 1/2! That is a huge goal of mine - to get it done by the time he is three. How pathetic is that? I know they say people make time for what they want to make time for and that is true. I enjoy watching tv and browsing around on the internet, so that is what I spend my time doing quite a bit. I could choose to spend more of the time editing pictures and ordering them so I can complete scrapbooks and I could spend more time cleaning so I keep my home nice but I don't. I think part of the reason is because I am tired. It is much easier to come home and plop down and relax after a long day and a long commute.
I think it is true how they say that you choose your own happiness or you choose whether or not you want to be happy. I think the choices we make are a big deal and I think for the most part, we have no one to blame but ourselves for the choices we make and any resulting happiness/unhappiness from those choices.
I need to choose to do things that are more fulfilling then tv and the internet. I need to go on a tv strike so I can start doing other things I enjoy. In fact, I think I am going to. I just want to feel like I got the most from my evenings and didn't waste them. Time on weekdays is at a premium so I want to spend it wisely.
Anyway, back to the whole 'finding myself' thing. I think another part of the reason I feel this way is because I don't know what I want from life. I don't know if this is the career field I want to stay in or if I want to move on and go back to school or if I want to save up as much as possible to become a stay at home mom again if we decide to have another child. I don't even know if I want another child! I feel like I have some decisions to make and some serious thinking to do. I don't know if I should try to put a deadline on my decisions, but I want to make up my mind. I am not old by any means, but also don't want to wait another 10 years to decide what to do with my life. It's just hard being an adult and having to make real life decisions.
I also know that part of being really happy is being healthy. I am not so healthy right now and am starting to work on it. I just went to the doctor for the first time in a year and feel like that was a step in the right direction of taking better care of myself. Now on to the dentist and eye doctor! Also, I need to get real and finally decide to lose the extra 30 pounds I am carrying. I think I would feel like a whole new person if I lost the weight once and for all! I must do it. I keep telling myself this but have to finally commit.
I suppose that is all for now. I just needed to get these thoughts out of my head, even if not a single person reads them!
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